Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

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                    • That's poppa on a good day

                    • So says the guy with an Avatar of himself with smoke coming out of a Bong, we really are getting some dumb fcuks on here.

                      I wonder what Joel is like on a good day>>>LOL

                    • He used that when he was McLovin 

                    • lol Michael. Nice to be aware when to put the brakes on -

  • Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, a young lady went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,

    "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

    Horrified, the young lady told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

    "Oh no, my dear;' replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

    She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,

    "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

    • Why was there never a pregnant Barbie doll ?  Because Ken came in another box. 

      • LOL Seth good one .

    • good one Driza

  • A man with a long history of migraine headaches consults his local GP medical practitioner. 

    When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor patient has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

    "Listen," says the GP ,  "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

    Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.

    "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

    "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

    "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house!”

    • A bloke was doing a job on his girl in the paddock in the dark when he said , " I wish I had a torch "  then she said  " me too "  you've  been munching the grass for the last ten minutes.

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