Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Titan replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Should we keep Kelma?
"No to keeping Kelma - has no idea how to defend"
32 minutes ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"I wasn't disagreeing with your overall point. I was more talking about the use of "subjective". Opinions on a player's ability are subjective, but his market is largely determined by what clubs are willing to offer. And I wasn't annoyed, just…"
53 minutes ago
SuperEel 22 replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Should we keep Kelma?
"If we do re-sign Kelma it's purely to see how Jezaiah continues developings. With Su'a coming and Kiti really developing I can't imagine we'd want to block Jez long term."
56 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"Never disagreed with you LB, just explained the subjectiveness of "his market" you are getting a bit sensitive in your old age, too much time on social media.
PS No need to be getting old and cantankerous at your age....leave it to us silly old…"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"Your a good judge Richard and well put JC"
1 hour ago
Richard Jackson replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"I see that to JC"
1 hour ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"Doesn't that actually support my point? If Super League is offering the security of a three-year deal while NRL clubs aren't, that's a reflection of his market. Market isn't just ability, it's what clubs are prepared to offer and for how long.
So…"
1 hour ago
Eli Stephens replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Should we keep Kelma?
"Yeah he's running over half's every week atm. Him and Kautoga have been damaging "
1 hour ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"Another positive to Volkman is he can play 7 as well. That is what we need someone who can take the reins if Moses is out."
1 hour ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"I wouldn't be giving Volkman a massive deal but a 1-2 year deal is fair."
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to CarloEEL2's discussion Trust Riccio to stand up for Klein
"You may find that legally they could do nothing about it with regard to a straight out sacking.
Proper management would have limited his opportunities and eventually settled him back in Reserve Grade.
I have made a big thing about credability even…"
3 hours ago
Poppa replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
""His market" is subjective LB, his future at SL is probably a 3 year deal, which will see him home, realistically he probably like most of us, see about one good year left in him for NRL.....
I would take Nikorima if we cannot get what we want, he…"
3 hours ago
Poppa replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner: Judgements are being made but not understood or maybe even appreciated!
"That's why I would have you as one of the Generals in charge Cappy.....no more "The Captain" from now on the General, I love good leadership, it  become's great in good hands!
Let the soldiers follow and the Generals lead, wish I was your age Cappy…"
4 hours ago
Longfin Eel replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"You can see the improvement in Volkman. He's still young and learning each week. I'd like to see him stay to be honest. Another off season and he will improve even more."
4 hours ago
Adam Magrath replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"I'm not sure on salary or duration for volk, but if we follow the same model we did with Iongi we will be in good stead."
4 hours ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Rumour: Kodi nikorina to super league
"Who knows if we were talking to him. But also, if he goes to SL, I think that says a lot about his market at the moment and what all the other teams think.
Is Volkman worth the investment for at least another year? I would say yes."
4 hours ago
More…

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>