Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"Surely the Australian Rugby League Commissioners being Wayne Pearce OAM, Kate Jones, Allan Sullivan , Tony McGrath, Dr Gary Weiss and Professor Megan Davis must now follow their charter and question their Chairman in Peter V'Landys. and there NRL…"
3 minutes ago
Yehez replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"I see what you're saying and I generally agree. We need to tread carefully but decisively too. The real bombshell is making this known to all NRL fans. That's the win. "
10 minutes ago
Adam Magrath replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"That's what I was thinking as well, a stat dec isn't the strongest position to be in but with privacy laws that's probably all we've got."
15 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"I've thought about this since your prior comment. We have a valid voice in this, one the entire fanbase can relate to. And we have some crafty cats here. Let's see what else Santa brings and create a plan."
18 minutes ago
Mitchy replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"Elvis, i thin in the end we will have earned some much needed respect bhy this group. Don't mess with us"
22 minutes ago
CarloEEL2 replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"This !!!!!!!!"
23 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"When he whinged that we must stop leaking? LOL. He gonna need a raincoat & bucket now"
23 minutes ago
CarloEEL2 replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"Yep me too 
or we get given a premiership if it goes away 
no in between "
24 minutes ago
Strange-eel replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"Yes good point."
25 minutes ago
CarloEEL2 replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"What do we buy a premiership ???"
26 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"More docs pls. Mr Moses is a hungry lad."
30 minutes ago
Mitchy replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"If thats the case HOE, then the NRL should be sidling up to Parra to see what we have and then massaging our backs for a softer ending or happy if we go down that track! :)
If Moses has more of this evidence surely the Storm via NRL want this done…"
30 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"LOL."
32 minutes ago
Mitchy replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"And just when we think the game has shown it all.....You have to tip your hats at the Parra leadership here; we are not going to be pissed on. I also feel the other clubs (particularly Sydney ones) will be in full support here.
Melb do not want this…"
33 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"...and the New Rules fix the problem  cough, cough, cough"
37 minutes ago
Blue Eel replied to SuperEel 22's discussion CONFIRMED: Storm asked NRL to bully Eels into Lomax deal
"adam it sounds like a stat dec / statement made by Beech about the phone call and the content of that call. would be my guess."
38 minutes ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2068

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>