Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

SuperEel 22 replied to Angry Eel's discussion Hypothetical Question
"It's all connected though. Penrith's big advantage in the last 6 years has been the way their backline takes the ball carrying pressure off their middles. At their peak, Leota and JFH were averaging between 120 and 150 metres per game (I'm leaving…"
12 minutes ago
LB replied to Parra fan on The Hill's discussion Abdo Gonski
"He either was pushed or wanted a new challenge as there was talk of him looking elsewhere this time last year. I hope Ben Ikin gets it."
13 minutes ago
shane replied to Parra fan on The Hill's discussion Abdo Gonski
"Hopefully as he is blight to our great game and should take his bum buddy V'Landys with him. Than hopefully they get rid or the minuplation six agains and hold the poorest ref the NRL has ever had accountible for their poor porformances especially…"
17 minutes ago
SuperEel 22 replied to Angry Eel's discussion Hypothetical Question
"Hayne never played with an elite level half at club level for an extended period. Finch was about the closest he ever got and that was right at the start of his career. He played chunks of his career with Jeff Robson, Chris Sandow, Ben Roberts and…"
18 minutes ago
Mallee57 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin's discussion Signing predictions !
"Shame your so old 🥺. As you appear to not know what your blabbing about. Just stick with the crossword puzzles and cleaning your dentures 🤣"
19 minutes ago
Clintorian replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin's discussion Signing predictions !
"I'd be happy with both those two."
30 minutes ago
Clintorian replied to Parra fan on The Hill's discussion Abdo Gonski
"As much as I'd love to hear he was sacked over the Lomax text's, I don't think he was. He quit and is heading to Tennis Australia."
32 minutes ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin replied to Parra fan on The Hill's discussion Abdo Gonski
"O'neill's applying for the top job"
59 minutes ago
Parra_Greg replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin's discussion Signing predictions !
"Id third that"
1 hour ago
Michael W. replied to Fiddy's discussion Burton to Eels?
"IMO, he is very overrated, since we were looking at signing him i have been watching him closely. KK is a solid forward who can play big minutes. To pay the money he's getting, or anything close, he is not worth it. In today's game, you need…"
1 hour ago
LB replied to Fiddy's discussion Burton to Eels?
"When can gardening resume Poppa? Though thanks to Albo's new laws makes gardening for particular things harder 😂"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin's discussion Signing predictions !
"Stick to what you know Mallee, that's nothing.....Farnworth fantasies show's as much reality as you being a real Parra supporter, back to the Kennell dopey."
1 hour ago
LB replied to Parra fan on The Hill's discussion Abdo Gonski
"Abdo was a blight to the game. Showed arrogance and honestly just saw him to be this used car salesman when he talked. Never could stand him. He nearly stuffed up the recent TV deal, he strong armed weak clubs and bowed to strong clubs. Ben Ikin I…"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Fiddy's discussion Burton to Eels?
"Thanks mate, shoulder is good and the Physio says I am 6 weeks ahead of schedule and that's pretty good when I am only 5 weeks out of surgery.....matching scars now on both shoulders and I nearly feel like I have been tatooed (7 inches both…"
1 hour ago
Nightmare Off-Season replied to Fiddy's discussion Burton to Eels?
"100% agree, LB. Our goal should be on field sucess. 
Man, I really hope that's not accurate, LB. "
1 hour ago
Richard Jackson replied to Angry Eel's discussion Hypothetical Question
"Wasn't he just Captain. '09 Hayne amazed, shocked and thrilled everyone who saw him perform.
When we played the favourites for the comp, Saints, in the first Semi at Kogarah that year I was in disbelief in what unfolded right in front of my eyes,…"
1 hour ago
More…

 

Abdo Gonski

Sacked. Received your comeuppance in full. "In February 2026, text messages surfaced in a New South Wales Supreme Court case involving player Zac Lomax's attempt to join the Melbourne Storm from the Parramatta Eels. During a contract dispute,…

Read more…
6 Replies · Reply by LB 13 minutes ago
Views: 328

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>