Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"But how long is he willing to give himself? If Smith is still starting by the end of 2027 and he is extended with intent to start in 2028, what will Da Silva do then?I would love to know if Ryles intent is for Da Silva to eventually be the starting…"
34 minutes ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"I saw TDS try to pressure the kicker at times last night but not as consistent or forceful as Smith.
I love your analogy of how TDS read his own hype and thinks he can just play and be amazing. Where Smith is the opposite where he has had to grind…"
36 minutes ago
TolEllts replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters: We Just Won the Pre-Season Cup
"EA, you have a keen eye for players especially those with with real potentials. Appreciate your updates on our juniors."
47 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Roy tannous's discussion Matto most likely gonna medically retire
"You're a good man. I salute your empathy and offer of practical help for the disabled"
49 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"He is also a fast learner apparently"
52 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"That's the thing for me the game got away from us when TDS came into the game.
When Smith finished the game you saw defensively the ruck tighten back up and the service and attack clicked into gear.
I'm definitely on the fence with TDS potential is…"
55 minutes ago
Angry Eel replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"I'm not trying to dump on TDS. Injustice thinks he's spent too much time on the bench playing Robin to Api and now Riley, he's needs a bit of time playing Batman again "
1 hour ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"I personally prefer one Hooker and have a Utility that can play Hooker. Now with 6 man bench you can do that every week in case of injury.
I can see Ryles sticking with 2 but then maybe by mid year relying on one."
1 hour ago
Eelovution replied to Roy tannous's discussion Matto most likely gonna medically retire
"I will drive him to the neurologist to make sure he gets there on time."
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"Potentially but Smith is what we need at dummy half.
These games are won in the middle of the park the stuff that smith does the kick pressure linespeed and alike aren't flashy things but that's what's best for the team.That's what I don't see from…"
1 hour ago
TolEllts replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"The one trait that Ryley excels is his work rate. He is a mongrel against the opposition and an annoyance with the kickers. TDS, at the moment, needs to improve in this area. As well as with his defensive reads. Hope he still improve for the benefit…"
1 hour ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"Ideally, a team should be built around one hooker, a four-man forward rotation, plus an outside back and a utility.
That said, with our hookers still young and only one full season each under their belts, Ryles needs to stick with two 9s. The season…"
1 hour ago
ParraEels replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Trial #2 / Pre Season Challenge Week 3 Team List v Sydney Roosters
"The future is looking bright.
I'm calling it now, the drought will be over under Ryles reign."
2 hours ago
Bear replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Your best 19 vs Storm
"How good is doored going , hard running, can tackle, some great short passing game"
2 hours ago
ParraEels replied to Roy tannous's discussion Matto most likely gonna medically retire
"Already a blog on this "
2 hours ago
ParraEels replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion Sean Russell
"Well this has aged well.
The issue wasn't him, it was how he was coached."
2 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2098

 

Your best 19 vs Storm

Based on the pre-season trials, training reports, and incumbency, I’ve settled on a top 19 that largely picks itself — particularly the starting top 13, which I think is pretty much locked in.Samrani, for mine, has done enough to be locked into a…

Read more…
32 Replies · Reply by LB 34 minutes ago
Views: 999

Melbourne's Matterson offer

So it becomes more clearer, the $300k offered from Melbourne included $211,000 of that going towards Matterson's contract and $89,000 as a transfer fee. Instead of what we thought of $300k transfer fee and maybe taking Matto as well. So many felt…

Read more…
5 Replies · Reply by Randy Handlinger 10 hours ago
Views: 831

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>