Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Coryn Hughes replied to Blue Eel's discussion Reliance on Juniors as our Pathway to Glory vs Signing Talented 1st Graders
"💯 this is exactly it I mean if this is the case how does Parra end up with DB Nuikore Ma'u Semi Radradra and alike all clubs do it.Much like development identify the right ones and give 2 farks where they come from.The idea of only picking kids from…"
48 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion AI picks Parramatta eels best 17 for 2026 season
"💯 Kautoga is exactly the athletic and physical profile you'd want on the edge.
Outside of getting outplayed and out performed in pre season I see Gideon as a lock on the left edge.
Even after a rough start with errors last season JR stuck with him…"
56 minutes ago
Bob Smith replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Good"
4 hours ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion AI picks Parramatta eels best 17 for 2026 season
"Fair I guess moving for family reasons."
5 hours ago
Bubba j replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Good stuff Parra he is a gun fullback hard to come by and locking him up is smart great re signing "
6 hours ago
Nitram replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion AI picks Parramatta eels best 17 for 2026 season
"C'mon AI, surely Kautoga gets the left edge spot. What's the point in developing him, seeing huge progress and then dropping him after one injury. Williams was good there but he is good enough that he can play either edge or even in the middle.…"
7 hours ago
Mitchy replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Its a good resigning and he has done well; and this kid has huge potential and learnt a lot this year and will no doubt learn more. We are in need of strength in the outside backs and there are not many big buys out there. And like many I am…"
8 hours ago
Mitchy replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Poor Johnny Badge, he was a God to some!!"
8 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Parramatta ramp up pursuit of Kangaroos star after Zac Lomax's immediate exit from NRL
"Yeah, lets get the guy who's rolling out the door backwards from a team in a worse position than us. That'll fix us"
8 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"woof"
8 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"😂😂😂"
9 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Exactly my thoughts.
Great news nonetheless "
9 hours ago
paul taylor replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"He is a brillant young player.  Well taught in the Penrith system, played a good few games in NSW Cup and was behind a great player in Dylan EDWARDS. I think his game went up a cog no doubt at the back end.  He will be such an asset with quality…"
9 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Exactly and I reckon he signed a while ago - MON wheeled this out now as his arse cheeks were beginning to part."
9 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Look I love it, Iongi is an absolute weapon but for once it would be nice to get some NEW SIGNING news 
Seems like MON pushes this stuff out when he needs to release some pressure. Useless prick. Iongi probably extended over a month ago."
9 hours ago
The Badger replied to Mitchy's discussion Isaiah Iongi extends with the Eels
"Geez, our blokes would have more front end than John Holmes."
10 hours ago
More…

ANY MORE SIGNINGS???

I've been frustrated recently about the work we have been doing in the open market. Jonah's alright for a year and JDB is solid but he's getting old. I feel we need more in the forwards and some a replacement outside back. All I have seen is links…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 49

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>