Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Perpetual Motion replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"Totally worth it! "
45 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"but PROVEN PREDICTIONS!!!!FANTASY HELP!!!!"
54 minutes ago
BringBackSemi replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels demand 1 of 3 Storm stars in exchange for Zac Lomax
"Ok to even up the ledger, how about we take Howarth, and the Storm also take Matterson for this season? That gets rid of Matto a season early."
1 hour ago
Darren Munro replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels demand 1 of 3 Storm stars in exchange for Zac Lomax
"100% like for like is coates. Coates or nobody. "
1 hour ago
Perpetual Motion replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"For the totally reasonable price of 60 bux you can find out! "
1 hour ago
KENDOZA replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"Maybe he meant to put CM instead cam munster lol"
2 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"Maybe he meant to put CM instead cam munster lol"
2 hours ago
Gucci replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"What done? What deal?"
2 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"Nostra is full of shit"
2 hours ago
Yehez replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels demand 1 of 3 Storm stars in exchange for Zac Lomax
"Utoikumanu is not coming here. They won't let him go unless it means they get Tino, but I think they want both. 
Coates and Howarth are doable IMO."
2 hours ago
BEM replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels demand 1 of 3 Storm stars in exchange for Zac Lomax
"Howarth and Stefano aren't origin and Australian players.
They are also forwards which we don't need. We need some quality in the backline.
The only swap we should be considering is Coates and that ain't happening so Lomax and the Storm can fuck…"
2 hours ago
Perpetual Motion replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels Dig In on Player Release, Demand Fair Value in Any Deal
"Jack Howarth has been selected for the Queensland State of Origin squad as a reserve and was in the extended squad for Game II of the 2025 series but didn't play a senior game, being ruled out of Game I by injury and Game III by appendicitis, so…"
2 hours ago
Yawn replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels demand 1 of 3 Storm stars in exchange for Zac Lomax
"Someone explain to me please. Say the Eels and the Storm do a deal and Lowtothemax is allowed to play with them how are the terms of the traded player worked out. "
2 hours ago
Eels2025 replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"For who "
2 hours ago
Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst replied to Roy tannous's discussion Does anyone know what it is ?
"Done deal"
2 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Eels demand 1 of 3 Storm stars in exchange for Zac Lomax
"If the Eels do nothing, they'll get zero in return.   All we have is a peice of paper saying Lomax can't go to another club.  How is a peice of paper going to help us
I doubt theres another club who has 600k just sitting there waiting for Lomax, …"
2 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 1916

ANY MORE SIGNINGS???

I've been frustrated recently about the work we have been doing in the open market. Jonah's alright for a year and JDB is solid but he's getting old. I feel we need more in the forwards and some a replacement outside back. All I have seen is links…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 225

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>