Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Frank The Tank replied to Blue Eel's discussion Let's Ask !!
"Great analysis by you and ChatGPT.
What we lack IMO, is someone with a string background in sales, and negotiation. Not one person in this club has this in their resume, and I bet if they do they had limited success in that role.
We need people…"
26 seconds ago
Parrafan101 replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"I don't know man, we are in the darkest times of the club where we have to use no names. Pezet, Galvin, Keaon, etc. We missed out on every top player. Who else we miss out on god dam kelly, because as this point don't be suprised if you see kelly…"
2 minutes ago
LB replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"Ummm yes that is how negotiations work, what are you getting at? He wanted Talagi as 1 as Brown was still under contract and wanted his spine sorted. When Talagi said he was going Iongi deal was done quickly."
3 minutes ago
LB replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"So Brown is basically there as a sounding board for Ryles mainly? Not really coaching too much. "
5 minutes ago
Parrafan101 replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"Maybe have a little faith in the ass holes that run the club"
5 minutes ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"Do you understand offering a position is a selling point.  What else could Ryles do offer a bench spot??  Iongi was always destined for fb in my books 
Yes agreed if Brown made the decision earlier "
9 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"I've heard the same.I had a coffee with Blair Mills at the hurricanes training base and he spoke of JR very highly even thought Nathan Brown behind the scenes around pathways was very clued up in that area but you wouldn't let the latter near FG to…"
14 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"Samething here to is it a blight on Moses and Ryles that Talagi picked the Clearys over us.
The question still remains we went for Galvin and failed now we are stop gapping with Pezet because of the options left in the Brown contract that allowed…"
19 minutes ago
LB replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"Though I will say Fong, when I spoke to my mate who works with James Galvin, they said James and Lachy found Ryles to be very well spoken and impressed with what he offered. When I asked about MON he said they said nothing about him just Ryles. Said…"
20 minutes ago
Frankie Fong replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"I think is due to being inexperienced and he is not what you would call a great talker , but his biggest issue are the people above hin who offer him zero ."
38 minutes ago
mongolian trotting duck replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"is that the same fitzgerald who didnt want fittler or gene miles and forgot to fax lockyer a contract so he signed with the donkeys a week later ?"
40 minutes ago
LB replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Does anyone know what Jack Williams contract is worth ?
"Yeah around $300-400k I believe for De Belin. Not too bad."
44 minutes ago
LB replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"I have a plenty more if you want to see?
We spoke to Iongi same time Penrith signed Talagi. Also, when Talagi left we knew Brown had options but believed he would stay put.
Had Brown made his choice earlier or instead of a PO we had Talagi signed I…"
46 minutes ago
LB replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
""
48 minutes ago
LB replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"What a dumb statement. What's the point of Tino if you believe nobody wants to stay?
To convince Tino you would need up to nearly $2mil. For a middle that is too much. You won't be able to extend or sign anybody else."
48 minutes ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion St. George Illawarra Dragons secure Keaon Koloamatangi on long-term deal
"If Ryles wanted blaze as first choice one, why we're we in negotiations with Iongi??
Fb was probably just a selling point,  as Dylan had the opportunity to leave "
1 hour ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
12 Replies · Reply by Coryn Hughes 23 hours ago
Views: 1629

ANY MORE SIGNINGS???

I've been frustrated recently about the work we have been doing in the open market. Jonah's alright for a year and JDB is solid but he's getting old. I feel we need more in the forwards and some a replacement outside back. All I have seen is links…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 139

 

Let's Ask !!

I find myself sitting around watching the cricket after the Christmas Festivities, and I'm stewing on the perception that we are missing out on real talent that our coach wants, and missing out with way too much regularity and consistency. The…

Read more…
37 Replies · Reply by Frank The Tank 26 seconds ago
Views: 947

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>