Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

GM replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"Then don't fkn read it"
1 hour ago
Yehez replied to Johnny Suede's discussion The Tele has ranked the Eels forward pack 9th for season '26 (Roosters at #1)
"How is the Storm pack second best????"
2 hours ago
Yehez replied to Clintorian's discussion Is Toby Rudolph worth chasing?
"No.
As a couple have said, our forward line is good, for it to become great we need to either get a big dog (a Keoan minimum), or one of our youngster, at this moment likely Tuivati, comes of age and becomes the much vaunted "alpha!". 
The likes of…"
2 hours ago
fishbulb replied to Johnny Suede's discussion The Tele has ranked the Eels forward pack 9th for season '26 (Roosters at #1)
"It's kinda a bit of puff. It's built on an aaaumption that the most effective style of play will be the same as last year. Wouldn't be surprised if it's based of a straight reading of last year's stats. No guarantee that any of it will be repeated.…"
2 hours ago
fishbulb replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"Nothing to see here. A beat-up."
3 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Clintorian's discussion Is Toby Rudolph worth chasing?
"too funny flow"
3 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"LOL,,,Hi Yawn, Can you give this blog an approved yawn please?
 "
3 hours ago
Clintorian replied to Clintorian's discussion Is Toby Rudolph worth chasing?
"sharks might be keen to offload him in 2026 to create some cap space. They have some good juniors coming up and will give these guys a nudge. Could get him for a reasonable deal and it sounds like Sharks aren't giving him much if he's calling around."
3 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"The headline by GM is awful but I don;t mind seeing what the scum-sucking slime-crawlers have to say about us."
3 hours ago
Yawn replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"What ? Do you want a comment from me ? At least start with "Hi Yawn' and I'll respond."
3 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"it's going to get worse"
3 hours ago
Blue Eel replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"yeah i think your right, a real scraping the bottom of the barrel attempt by the author. "
4 hours ago
Colin Good commented on Colin Good’s status
"Randy young fellow ,you don’t know the difference between an eggplant and a pumpkin, that’s dumb ."
4 hours ago
ParraEels replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"Such a stupid post "
4 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"Issa seems the type of guy who our current opponents may get to try to come at us sideways and start some internal fractures. Get us shittalking ourselves. Nuh-uh
Maybe paranoid, but we need to stick solid  by our guys, regardless of what smears…"
4 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to GM's discussion Not Smart…JAC
"Next"
5 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 1976

ANY MORE SIGNINGS???

I've been frustrated recently about the work we have been doing in the open market. Jonah's alright for a year and JDB is solid but he's getting old. I feel we need more in the forwards and some a replacement outside back. All I have seen is links…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 271

 

Is Toby Rudolph worth chasing?

I was reading a Fox news article today about Toby Rudolph without a Manager and having to call other coaches himself to understand what he's worth to them before he can negotiate with the Sharks. Rudolph is definitely a player we should at least…

Read more…
6 Replies · Reply by Yehez 2 hours ago
Views: 435

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>