Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

LB replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner; The cattle is the problem, this maybe the catalyst to make us do some drastic things!
"Alex Twal has been an average to decent forward til this year. Many would have complained about him if he was here the last 2 years. Same with Niukore since he's barely on the field."
9 minutes ago
LB replied to alexeel17's discussion Petition for a change of management
"Yeah I'm fine with it, though just saying Ryles also needs to be better in his decisions as he's apart of recruitment too and Ben Rogers needs to be included.
Unfortunately things like this are futile. Doubt they take our word for it."
13 minutes ago
Flow Basket replied to Roy tannous's discussion Spirits crushed
"I haven't ruled out the 8"
23 minutes ago
Adam Magrath replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner; The cattle is the problem, this maybe the catalyst to make us do some drastic things!
"So hypothetically speaking we offer Herbie a mill, he says that's nice but I'll pass, I'm happy at the dolphins. We say what about 1.25? He says sure but if I don't like it down there or I'm not happy I'd like to be able to get out of my contract…"
1 hour ago
EelsAgeMe replied to EelsAgeMe's discussion Same
"Well we're screwed then. Funny how you think things outside of footy affect what happens on the field. I knew Albanese is responsible! "
2 hours ago
EelsAgeMe replied to EelsAgeMe's discussion Same
"Not sure it's a curse. But if anyone knows some curse lifting witches, call them. We'll reward them with a signed jersey :)"
2 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion R11 Game Day Blog, Magic Round v Storm: Trauma and Redemption (L34-8)
"If we had the gun we'd probably have forgot to load it 😂 
Pick one and we'd still find a way to come out the worse side of the equation."
2 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion R11 Game Day Blog, Magic Round v Storm: Trauma and Redemption (L34-8)
"They'll take TDS as the long term guy purely because he's the prototype of hooker that's needed there for this version of the game smith is not.The game now is so entertainment focused that the explosiveness out of dummy half is now a prerequisite…"
3 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion R11 Game Day Blog, Magic Round v Storm: Trauma and Redemption (L34-8)
"In a heartbeat and like the commentary mentions you look what happens when he gets surrounded by equal talent then you'll see the real Mitchell Moses.Much like we see with Brown in Newcastle and with the Kiwis now the talent just suddenly doesn't go…"
3 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner; The cattle is the problem, this maybe the catalyst to make us do some drastic things!
"I think for the most part all the players are trying and trying hard but this is a talent and athleticism component that these players are missing and it's what the squad is missing.This is what we have to identify and add.After the bye Tuivaiti…"
3 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner; The cattle is the problem, this maybe the catalyst to make us do some drastic things!
"It's quite clear really if we have the cap spend it on an elite player or 2 or else be prepared to stay in the bottom half of the table with all the other cellar dwellers."
3 hours ago
Parraboy replied to Roy tannous's discussion Spirits crushed
"Your just a racist red neck dog
your saying players don't sign with the Eels because of too many middle eastern people around? Or too many Hijabis around ? Fuck your a deadset wanker mate, no place for racism you maggot. "
5 hours ago
Michael W. replied to Sneaky Pete's discussion What we need.
"You're missing the point Darren. ATM Moses is the only spine player we have aavailable.Ilongi, Pezet and Smith are out. We have replacements for each of them but, they are only replacents. They are good for a game or two, but you can't expect them…"
5 hours ago
Joeyboyz replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin's discussion Iongi playing in NSW Cup today - some positive news
""Lorenzo Talataina produced the try of the match, dancing through multiple defenders before offloading for Araz Nanva to score."
- Taken from the match review on www.nswrl.com.au
 "
6 hours ago
Joel K replied to Sneaky Pete's discussion What we need.
"Shane Richardson as CEO
Get Sarantinos out of the club he's an embarrassment."
7 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner; The cattle is the problem, this maybe the catalyst to make us do some drastic things!
"Attach a copy and I'll have a read"
7 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2431

 

Petition for a change of management

https://c.org/hCJpVTSCD8^^^^^Sign the petition if you want change, we want MON and JS out, happy for ryles to be given more time but it seems the people in the higher up are just incapable of running this club.We want stronger recruitment and…

Read more…
1 Reply · Reply by LB 13 minutes ago
Views: 27

Spirits crushed

Spirits crushed.. just looking at all the teams in the comp compared to us and Fmd.Newcastle wooden spooners now playing amazing footy and tigers 3 wooden spoons in a row and at full strength brilliant.Just looking at all the shit teams in the last…

Read more…
8 Replies · Reply by Flow Basket 23 minutes ago
Views: 288

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>