Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Kurupt - He Be Trippin On A Matt replied to tyler's discussion MOSES CONFIRMS ALLEGIANCE AHEAD OF WORLD CUP
"Australua"
2 minutes ago
Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst replied to tyler's discussion MOSES CONFIRMS ALLEGIANCE AHEAD OF WORLD CUP
"Allah Akbar"
4 minutes ago
Archie replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
" Im with you Randy, these guys are a breath of fresh air and are making all the right moves. Great blog."
53 minutes ago
ParramAddict replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"I think of it like you can't choose your family, If the club was somehow no longer, I reckon I would grieve like I lost a family member and they can't be replaced, I couldn't support another club so I wouldn't watch anymore, unfortunately I was born…"
1 hour ago
Hector Bob Down replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"You are right LB about Mathew Breach have talked to him a couple of times is a really nice bloke and absolutely loves the Eels .a very good man to have in the trenches with you"
1 hour ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"I agree that "the only way forward is to identify mistakes, call them out and fix them". By hyper-critical I more meant that some of us get hung up on characterizing our mistakes. Recent revelations reveal that some of these "mistakes" are infact…"
1 hour ago
LB replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"It shows the club too we are not a fan base that always complain about everything. We have given, a somewhat controversial board, a big pat on the back and cheer of support. We are demonstrating here that we can align and say something is good. They…"
1 hour ago
Hector Bob Down replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"Spot on my man"
1 hour ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"Hector, we may still indeed get raw-prawned. Court will do what the court will do but at least our ducks are lined up and we stood our ground under duress. To me, that really does count for something"
1 hour ago
Blue Eel replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"Nicely said Randy.
The only way forward is to identify mistakes, call them out and fix them, if that's hyper critical then that's fine by me. We have 8/10's sorted of our club in excellent condition. Those last 2  / 10ths for me are based around…"
1 hour ago
Hector Bob Down replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"Right with you Randy . I turn 80 this year first game when taken for my first game i was 7 . Been going ever since .Seen at lot good and bad times for sure. All my 4 kids Grandkids and great Grandkids are all Eels . With this Latest Administration…"
2 hours ago
EA replied to EA's discussion EA & SB Rookie Report - SG Ball Watchlist
"Haha yea the games are tomorrow. HM and SG ball. Then JF, cup and nrl trial. All games at the same ground too lol. I am already busy tomorrow so may have to watch some games on replay instead"
2 hours ago
EA replied to EA's discussion EA & SB Rookie Report - SG Ball Watchlist
"Hi Richard. I never knew the u16 game was today. But to be honest I doubt I will watch those games this year. They are so young and I feel so much changes from that age so no great value. Plus HM, SG, JF, Cup and NRL is plenty of footy for me to cup…"
2 hours ago
Richard Jackson replied to Randy Handlinger's discussion In Solidarity & With Pride
"Thats very impressive RH,we can all see how your dedicated to the Eels
We have an army that feel that stongly beside you.
Bravo"
2 hours ago
Richard Jackson replied to EA's discussion EA & SB Rookie Report - SG Ball Watchlist
"Well with EA not available...and a bit of a delay in responses, I'll go on, in the development match our number 10, who reminded of Mick Vella in style was very impressive, and should be seen in HM shortly...I believe"
2 hours ago
Richard Jackson replied to EA's discussion EA & SB Rookie Report - SG Ball Watchlist
"Hi EA, waking up this morning keen to tune into Bar tv for our juniors.
But alas a day early. "Damn its going to be a busy day viewing tomorrow."
I scrolled thru the program and saw the under 16s development side was on at 10 so I clicked on and I'm…"
3 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2070

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>