Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

macybrown replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"Honestly unbelievable the nrl would allow him to continue.
Doubt vmuch he is the only one.
old Sandow was prob right when he questioned the refs actions and him being dodgy too back years ago."
9 seconds ago
Axel replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"I think there's more to this story than meets the eye. Why is this being revealed now and what's the motivation behind it? why did the NRL sweep it under the carper for the last 4 years?
With Abdo moving out, I wonder if there's a move to start…"
40 seconds ago
Frankie Fong replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"Do you really think the NRL would come out and tell the truth ? The public need to see documented evidence to believe he was betting on the races . "
2 minutes ago
Nightmare Off-Season replied to Nightmare Off-Season's discussion The Ticking Time Bomb
"Excellent posts, Cap.
Very interesting to see you come in from another angle with so many great points for discussion.
'I'm actually not sure that we have a ticking time bomb any more. I think we did...and it went off when Dylan Brown walked.' - Do…"
6 minutes ago
Angry Eel replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"I just hope the NRL has investigated it and is monitoring his accounts (including bank accounts) and he is squeeky clean"
11 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Nightmare Off-Season's discussion The Ticking Time Bomb
"Cracker couple of responses here Cap not only does Ryles need it but BA needed it also.
Whats happening now is just magnifying something that's been there for years.The complete lack of a plan and championship dna within the club.If we haven't got…"
11 minutes ago
Frankie Fong replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"1000% correct.  V'/Landys might have done  well with the games finances but has killed the spectical of the game with his constant rule changes which are all designed for the NRL have a big say on results.
 
How much would NSW of been paying to win…"
12 minutes ago
LB replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"Now it's saying it's on Greyhounds and Horses. They have gone through his betting and nothing on NRL. Now if the case, still doesn't look good. "
14 minutes ago
paul taylor replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"Like giving the keys to the goal to the crooks and saying it wil be ok. We trust them.  Massive issue IMO.  Integrity of the game is paramount.  The bloke in the middle has to be spotless IMO. Six again, six again, try, six again, try.... you get…"
15 minutes ago
Nightmare Off-Season replied to Nightmare Off-Season's discussion The Ticking Time Bomb
"Very fair points, Coryn.
 "
18 minutes ago
The Captain replied to Nightmare Off-Season's discussion The Ticking Time Bomb
"I'd be very happy to see some (probably retired) premiership winning coaches consult regularly with Ryles. Give him a brains trust he can work with.
Same with our R&R staff - if we want to bank on in house talent and stick with the folks we have,…"
29 minutes ago
Richard B'Stard replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"This explains an awful lot. "
39 minutes ago
Angry Eel replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"If a referee has a gambling problem that big, corruption has to be a massive concern. Shame on the NRL for sweeping it under the carpet. I hope he's been investigated and come out squeeky clean with his account being monitored "
48 minutes ago
KENDOZA replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"400k fmd. Referees 100 percent are gambling on games just like the players. "
1 hour ago
Frankie Fong replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
"Doesn't surprise me , he's the most arrogant ref in the game who has made some of the most disgraceful decisions that have cost teams games ."
1 hour ago
rex macmundi replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Ashley Klein's $400K gambling problem
" Say no more "
1 hour ago
More…

Remember Rodney Hogg

Rodney was a late arrival to Test cricket at age 27. Born in Victoria he was overlooked by state selectors and moved to Adelaide to find an earlier path to Shield.He was selected and within a year he was noticed by Alan Davidson who mentioned his…

Read more…
8 Replies · Reply by Poppa on Wednesday
Views: 326

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>