Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Strange-eel replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner: Judgements are being made but not understood or maybe even appreciated!
"You make some fair points. I want to have that positive outlook, it's comes harder for me.
 "
33 seconds ago
Angry Eel replied to Poppa's discussion Poppa's Corner: Judgements are being made but not understood or maybe even appreciated!
"That's all well and good Poppa but we've been playing moneyball for years now and at some stage you need a few players that are just on a another level. Herbie is an out and out proven superstar. What Herbie would bring goes far beyond his paycheck…"
3 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion DISGRACEFUL REFEREEING AGAIN!!!
"Agree with all this....I would like to see an objective review of the game and privately present to the refs admin. Then somebody should leak it, so it doesn't seem to be leaked by Parra."
6 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"Now Klein news has come out, I wonder how vulnerable refs are now with bad games."
7 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"As I said, v Dogs in Round 7 he was good. Tonight he lost control I certain areas."
7 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"Yeah AE, he is still very raw."
8 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"He also had a play on last where he pivoted to the left than turned to the right, by the time Volkman got the ball, defence was in his face and had think fast with a rubbish kick.
He tries to be too clever at times, he will mature."
12 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"Greg I think some of the negativity is still warranted in certain aspects."
13 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"Not many here commenting on Sanders. Use him when needed to show club incompetence but now Canberra fans are calling for his head.
An example of a player that had we kept people would say "we let Brown go for him?""
15 minutes ago
LB replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion DISGRACEFUL REFEREEING AGAIN!!!
"Yeah Freddie Mercury was very average."
1 hour ago
LB replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Jenkins most likely to extend at Penrith (edit) signed
"Adam it's actually worrying. This blog would have been prime Chief. "
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Jenkins most likely to extend at Penrith (edit) signed
"Tin Tim .....maybe TT you should ask the question why is that so.
Standing back and being critical in most of your commentary is customary of late from you.
Try to learn something about being objective with reason, otherwise  you are just another…"
1 hour ago
Adam Magrath replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Jenkins most likely to extend at Penrith (edit) signed
"Closing in on 48 hours, time to lodge a missing person report."
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Jenkins most likely to extend at Penrith (edit) signed
""As long as we have fans giving our head office a pass mark we will continue to be irrelevant "
What constitutes relevance when you are not qualified to make such a judgement. Your comment is not arbitrary and only has relevance if you are empowered…"
1 hour ago
Offside replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion DISGRACEFUL REFEREEING AGAIN!!!
"I was expecting it honestly if it was the other way I'd of blown up lol"
1 hour ago
Longfin Eel replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R15 v Raiders: Response or Reward? (W15-12, Gritty)
"I was great to see the determination from the boys, especially when Canberra started to come back. We lose that game just a few weeks ago.
Canberra very nearly won that game though, and they were dreadful. Lots of work still to do, but at least…"
1 hour ago
More…

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>