Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

macybrown replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Ryles pressor
"Smart snide comment by Ryles! can't fine him for that either.Wished he could've said same about tigers and the six again ridiculous ness of storm game too. Not the reason we lost but it has to be said."
2 minutes ago
Avon Barksdale replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R9 v Warriors: The Chase For Consistency (L36-14)
"16 run metres by guymer"
5 minutes ago
Rock Guy replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R9 v Warriors: The Chase For Consistency (L36-14)
"Ryles at the end of the presser when they were done... "No questions about the officiating" ... "
6 minutes ago
jjeel replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"Agreed. In desperate need of two centres and a winger"
8 minutes ago
Avon Barksdale replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Ryles pressor
"He should have mentioned the refs weeks ago when Gough smashed us against tigers "
9 minutes ago
Joel H replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Ryles pressor
"There were some average moments but we lost this one ourselves, we had plenty of opportunities and made plenty of errors. "
10 minutes ago
Joel H replied to Roy tannous's discussion Penisni Kelly 👉🚪💩
"Penisini has been shit since 2023"
14 minutes ago
Yehez replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R9 v Warriors: The Chase For Consistency (L36-14)
"Some observations from tonight:
- The lack of focus and handling errors is really what cost us. We were well prepared but players lost focus in crucial moments. Mentality is not there and not enough experience. 
- The outisde backs apart from Fox.…"
16 minutes ago
Snottie Pimpin replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"Russell is garbage . His ceiling is competent .  He's that limited as a player it's not funny . Whoever is in charge of talent identification of outside backs is wildly out of touch with the requirements of the modern game . "
22 minutes ago
Yehez replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"Russell has comeback drunk. "
26 minutes ago
Snottie Pimpin replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"It's embarrassing . Will is getting worse by the week . Just so many problems in his game he can't compete at this level . The club need to recognise this . Whether it's his ability , the speed of the game or both (likely ) he just doesn't have it .…"
26 minutes ago
Joel K replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"Seriously the fans have got to put some pressure on the board to improve the recruitment and sack the R&R"
26 minutes ago
Yehez replied to Roy tannous's discussion Penisni Kelly 👉🚪💩
"Yeah they can pull something out of nothing and they are good with yardage, but they're so costly still.
I think the cons outweigh the pros. Samrani needs to come in. That edge was really good when Samrani and Simonsson were there. 
 "
26 minutes ago
Josh d replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"I find it astounding that parra are the only team in the comp who have zero quality outside backs. "
28 minutes ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill's 🪓 replied to Snottie Pimpin's discussion GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS
"I heard o'neill and Sarantinos are in talks with Gutherson to make a comeback "
31 minutes ago
EelsAgeMe replied to LB's discussion Caption this
"Um, yeah, um, I knew I had a dumb club on my hands but I didn't realise my IQ will drop by association "
35 minutes ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2389

 

GET SOME OUTSIDE BACKS

Say it every week . You can't compete in this comp with such an inept backline .We can hang in for as long as we can until the dam breaks but there is NO quality in the backline aside from Fox .Will Penisni is the worst player in the comp and…

Read more…
11 Replies · Reply by jjeel 8 minutes ago
Views: 327

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>