Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Eli Stephens replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
""
32 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"Doesn't matter if he's putting in fully we are revisiting the same situation this time next year.
Does it really matter the Pezet move to me is so in consequential.As above we are revisiting the same discussion next season.
If we want fast track we…"
51 minutes ago
Wizardssleeves official receipts replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"lol,  I heard it's 2.5 milllion a game.  Dont ask me how I know , I just know . "
53 minutes ago
Hell On Eels replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"If Pezet isn't putting in fully in our jersey, Ryles doesn't seem the kind of character that would fear being honest, sideline, or let go, do you? He doesn't seem to a favorites can stay kind of coach based on name, reputation or family ties..."
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"I guess playing for the badge doesn't count in this case.In Riffs case they get the benefit of doubt right they have a system they aren't in a rebuild phase and the fact they win consistently with whomever they have.Point of difference but we'll…"
2 hours ago
LB replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"1 year deal then he returns to the North Pole reindeers on a 3 year deal, just got a years experience here to fine tune his skills on loan."
2 hours ago
HKF replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"Santa to sign 4 year deal as eels prop."
2 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"Because there's a huge Christmas announcement happening.  That's the scoop .  "
3 hours ago
Poupou Escobar replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"Agreed Adam, and I suspect that is our intent."
3 hours ago
Hell On Eels replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"Hawkins was good for our club, despite staying only for a year, no? Pezet is at worst, a decent short-term depth replacement. You need depth. Panthers halves depth options are also a perennial revolving door.  We don't say they're stupid for…"
3 hours ago
LB replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"Yeah it is hard, as us fans including myself want signings. Though, at the same time you do not just sign for the sake of it either."
4 hours ago
fake midget pseudoachondroplasia replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"Managers and players might be holding off to see what happens with R360 they have a contract for 2026 anyway "
4 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"Have anyone of those halves been on a one year deal where there bailing.I don't know of any club that's done the player a favour and paid them the mentioned also.
Theres very little upside in this deal for Parra as we either rinse wash repeat in the…"
4 hours ago
Adam Magrath replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"If that's the state of the market we should be consolidating our position, not going to market."
4 hours ago
Poupou Escobar replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"If Pezet plays 20+ games for us he will definitely provide $600k worth of value. It's 2025. Every club in the NRL will have one or both starting halves on $600k+."
5 hours ago
Poupou Escobar replied to Aj's discussion Why have our signings. Gone quiet 🤫
"Because there aren't enough off contract players to meet the demand. This is creating a bidding war. So the clubs might be in a hurry to sign players but the players certainly won't be in a hurry to sign when there's so much money available. It's a…"
5 hours ago
More…

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>