Eels Blogs

Ken Crapper here reporting from the national press club on what was the most boring hour of my entire life. Malcom Farr from the Telecrap dragged me along to the (so called) 'Great Debate'  as a backup because he was having some serious respiratory problems and was at risk of having a coronary.

When we arrived I had to hook Malcom up on a heart rate monitor so that I knew when to step in if need be but it appears that I inadvertently hooked it up to 60 minutes worm monitors by mistake. That is why the worm appeared to be almost flatlining most of the time  I was bemused by this whole worm concept ( as the only good worm I have ever had was in a bottle of Tequila ) but for those who want to know the correct result for the worm the graph on my monitor had Abbott getting the worm up and Julia going down on it.

Now the Ken doesn't know a great deal about politics but to sum up the crap they were talking about- there was something to do with smugglers ( Abbotts budgies I think), some hash debate on twitter( they even said it was crap),Tony's wife Margie Abbott wrestling with grocery bills ( much like Ozzy I'm guessing), Assylum seekers ( a definate reference to Sinbad ), the green Army( Bloody politicians going for Canberra) and the only important issue for Parramatta fans Climate Change. Yes people you heard the Crapper correctly ' Climate Change'.

Now if there really is something the Government can do about changing the weather and never having the Eels playing on a wet track again then the only person we need for PM is Jarryd Hayne. I now understand what this whole campaign is about. No rain on matchday and as a bonus imagine a Prime minister where he listens to the will of the people and doesn't ever speak a word to the Australian public. He just stops the rain and gets out there and plays footy. Not Gillards Gay FL supporting crap and Abbotts Lycra and dicktogs but real Rugby League. 

The closest thing us Eels fans have had to a politician being on our side was that garbo Rees but he had to hand over the pants to that Keneally woman just like Rudd had his pants taken off him by Gillard. What we need is a leader the woman love and we all know Haynesy is the man. Women swoon over him and even if they don't then let some backstabbing bitch try and take over his position at fullback. It just isn't going to happen. We have time here people. We vote in Jarryd in August before the semis, the Blue and Gold Army gets to watch our boys play on a dry track with a full house every time and we all get photos on Grand Final day holding the premiership aloft bathed in sunshine.

If your not registered to vote do it now and when you do Vote for our number 1. Vote Jarryd Hayne

I'm Ken Crapper