TKBK Reports: Eels top-secret plan revealed

It's been a long time between drinks for TKBK and our so-called 'regular' training reports, but given it's sudden death, I thought I would have another crack at getting access to the sheds. Unfortunately, the Eels are in tight lock down this week. However, there is no investigative journalist in League like TKBK and we've managed to sneak out the club's secret dossier outlining its plans to take on the Dragons this week.Now, remember folks this is top-secret stuff and I'm only going to reveal what's in there, on the understanding that none of you guys and girls let any of this stuff get into the hands of Dragon's coaching staff, players of fans. I don't want to be responsible for ending the Eel's season.The Dark HorseOk, now apparently there is a player at the club, who officials reckon have crept underneath everybody's radar but who they think could make a real impact on the weekend. Remember that kid everyone was raving about a few years ago, but who had a real disappointing season last year. His name is Jarryd Hayne. From what I can make out from this dossier, since he's been moved back to his favourite fullback position he's started to find a bit of form again and it looks like a lot of our play is going to revolve around this kid. Now, personally I'm not sure if I'd be throwing so much responsibility on a 21 year old, but I think the idea is to try and pull something from left-field that that crafty old dog Wayne Bennett won't ever see coming.The real surprise about this is Parra isn't just going to use him in your traditional fullback role, they're also going to thrust him into the playmaker role and he'll even do the bulk of the kicking. Again, totally top secret, but apparently he's quite adept at kicking 40/20s. Who'd a thunkit?The dossier highlights some of his stats from recent games, and I gotta tell you, they're pretty impressive and I'm kinda suprised the media hasn't caught on it because I think its had a lot to do with our recent success.The playsNow this is where it gets really interesting, but this dossier gives a full-break down of all the Eels calls and plays and they're is some really clever shit in there. Apparently, every time the ball goes to Todd Lowrie the call is 'Don't f*cking drop it', which of course, if Todd can pull that off, will totally bamboozle the opposition, as they'll be expecting the exactly opposite. Seemed like it had been working for a few weeks there, but I think they forgot to run the play last week. Then there's the call for when the play goes down our right side which goes 'Stay on your f*cking man, Guru'. Apologies for the language but I'm just passing this stuff on, don't shoot the messenger. From what I've heard, that was a big problem last week as someone was supposed to have changed the call to 'Stay on your f*cking man, Jono' but it never happened, so Wrighty didn't quite pick up on the play.I was really interested to see the playing notes for Jeff Robson. It simply said 'Pass the ball to someone who knows how to use it'. Like I said, some really clever, innovative stuff in here.The BluffAs interesting as all this was, the dossier makes continual reference to the 'bluff' and I think this is probably the most important take-out. For example, there's this passage:"Following last week's magnificent achievement of so successfully playing so accurately like a bunch of soft, over-cocky pretenders, we can now move on to play our true game..."It goes on to reveal some more strategies and plays, but I think I've already probably revealed too much. Let's just hope there aren't any Dragqueens lurking about these parts...Till next time!TKBK

Replies

GOlling September 11, 2009 at 7:35am

Dont give up your day Job ! This is neither informative or funny. Maybe try using the key board when you are sober next time.
Dan September 11, 2009 at 9:32am

I reckon it was pretty good... gave me a bit of a giggle.

Lighten up boys.
Goyoueels September 11, 2009 at 9:38am

Couple of non-fans there TKBK?

Of course it's funny. Good to see some satire this close to a big game. Better than reading how we're "gunna smash em/or get smashed by em"
TKBK September 11, 2009 at 10:00am

Look if there is one person on this site I truly admire, its mutenchops and if he thinks its rubbish then I'm prepared to accept that as a definitive judgement.

I will point out that true genius is seldom recognised until the artist is six feet under. So give it 53 years or so and GOlling will be clearing out his Internet 47 cache, re-read this and say 'Eureka, now I know there is a God".
Johno September 11, 2009 at 10:08am

Good laugh mate.
Bourbon Man September 11, 2009 at 1:25pm

GOlling, TKBK has been a regular on this forum over several years with his satirical takes on current affairs of our side. In my book, he can be a bit 'hit-and-miss', but considering the enormous pile of shit posts that we see, I always welcome TKBK's contributions.

As for mutenchops (btw it is spelt muttonchops), back to the library with you old son! You're still a dyslexic, uneducated, uninformed bastard!
- Pugger > Bourbon Man September 11, 2009 at 7:53pm
  
  agree
Djl September 11, 2009 at 1:33pm

lol good stuff
Bosanac September 11, 2009 at 6:35pm

I laughed mildly.