A Stag of a Rumour

Can Mr Google be trusted?

Ordering a Pizza in 2022

CALLER:

Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE:

No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER:

I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE:

No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER:

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:

Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER:

My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE:

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER:

Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE:

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER:

What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE:

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER:

How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE:

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER:

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE:

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER:

I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER:

I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER:

I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE:

That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER:

WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:

I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER:

Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE:

I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

Welcome to the future

"EE Snake wanted to do a tour of Africa but unfortunately I'm banned from the African continent after my last visit there so we decided to go to the middle east ."

"Hes turned into a total bum on the park and it seems BA can do nothing to stop the rot.
I went to the dogs game last year, made a point of watching him off the ball to see if it was as bad as id imagined, and he was worse.
He looks lazy,…"

Replies

MontoEel January 19, 2021 at 4:48pm

He would be a great purchase for the Eels. A good handy player and a good goal kicker.
Mick January 19, 2021 at 6:04pm

I'm sure Staggs will be at the roosters or south's
The Badger January 19, 2021 at 7:08pm

Apparently he wants $700K +. Not sure we want a centre at that price.
- Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" > The Badger January 19, 2021 at 9:14pm
  
  And what is MJ on?
  
  Pretty close to that I think.
  - Poupou Escobar > Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" January 19, 2021 at 9:39pm
    
    Maybe when he was the best centre in the game and a current Origin player but now he would be on half that.
  - BEM > Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" January 19, 2021 at 9:43pm
    
    From memory he was on 450k per year.
    
    If we are willing to throw 700k at Staggs, it would have been money better spent on the fox.
    - Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" > BEM January 19, 2021 at 10:17pm
      
      Yeah, just Goggled it and one site claims $500K for 2020.
  - This reply was deleted.
    - Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" > The Badger January 20, 2021 at 3:22pm
      
      Are you saying Mr Goggle cannot be trusted?
      
      Oh my - I am devestated, I'm going back to BookaFace, maybe Tinder because I am so sensitive.
      - Tad > Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" January 20, 2021 at 4:48pm
        
        Can Mr Google be trusted?
        
        Ordering a Pizza in 2022
        
        CALLER:
        
        Is this Pizza Hut?
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        No sir, it's Google Pizza.
        
        CALLER:
        
        I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.
        
        CALLER:
        
        OK. I would like to order a pizza.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        Do you want your usual, sir?
        
        CALLER:
        
        My usual? You know me?
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
        
        CALLER:
        
        Super! That’s what I’ll have.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
        
        CALLER:
        
        What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
        
        CALLER:
        
        How the hell do you know that?
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
        
        CALLER:
        
        Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.
        
        CALLER:
        
        I bought more from another Pharmacy.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
        
        CALLER:
        
        I paid in cash.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
        
        CALLER:
        
        I have other sources of cash.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!
        
        CALLER:
        
        WHAT THE HELL!
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
        
        CALLER:
        
        Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
        
        GOOGLE:
        
        I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...
        
        Welcome to the future
Driza January 19, 2021 at 9:06pm

Mr A , rumours repeated ( or created ) harm the rumour spreaders credibility. Surely you are not such a person LOL

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This reply was deleted.

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