You come from dust and to dust you will return. That's why you shouldn't dust. It could be someone you know.
When one door closes and another door opens, you're probably in prison.
If you answer your phone with "Hello. You're on the air.", most telemarketers will quickly hang up.Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life from nowhere. It makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call these people cops.
For Sale . Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. Then again, so is lightning and thunder.
Maybe the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of Charades.
This "killing them with kindness" is taking way longer than I expected.
I started out with nothing. I still have most of it.
There's nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and think "Oh No. They're gonna find me naked.”
One minute you're young and fun. And the next you're turning down the stereo in your car so you can see better.
One day you'll be able to tell your grandkids that you survived the GTPS 2020 (Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020).
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
And finally - Can we all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to the question, "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?"
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If only the Apathetic Ozzies could grow a set and show their support of their own country instead of blogging about it from the safety of their overstuffed lounges.
*sigh*
WE ARE NOT AUSTRALIA.
I was lying in bed and thought the light was on so I had to get up to turn it to see if I was right.
Random?
I thought I was a car but found out I only had a horn.
Weird - I thought my feet were out of bed, so I got up to put them back in.
I thought - No I didn't - just kidding.
Now I know why my GF loves me - just look at the size of this orgasmic root system.
Sir Col --have you thought of getting a dog
never a dull moment for our seniors.
I got two of the most useless wastes of time, money and energy you could ever imagine Tad.
In fact I keep telling my girls when I die I am coming back as one of their dogs.
1. Pure bred Rotty
2. Cross bred Malinois and Greyhound. Dumbest smart dog you could imagine.
Sir Col If only I knew all this stuff when I was younger.
ZEN TEACHINGS
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important
unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique.
Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether
you're alive or dead, try missing
a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone,
you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8. If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will
sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that
person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth,
you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog,
some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only
seems kinky the first time.
14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ..
and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories
for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't
learning much when your lips are moving.
18. Experience is something you don't
get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry,
and get slapped on our arse -
then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a
sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Ha ha Sir Col Glad to see you again
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