Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Prof. Daz commented on Hell On Eels's event R8 v Manly: Here We Go Again; Sunday Anzac Arvo at Brookie
"Manly under Seibold: 0-3, 60-98 (-38) vs Raiders, Knights, Chooks
Manly post-Seibold: 3-0, 118-42 (+76) vs Dolphins, Dragons, Cowboys.
Manly have doubled their points-for and halved their points-against post-Seibold. Obviously if the Eels wish to…"
20 minutes ago
Prof. Daz replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Did eels dodge a bullet with Galvin?
"Seems it is Galvin's role at Dogs that is the issue, not necessarily Galvin per se? Galvin permanently replaced Sexton at #7 for Dogs in Round 20 of 2025. After 19 rounds going into Round 20, Dogs were 3rd (12 wins, 4 losses, 3 byes; 366 (f) vs 270…"
28 minutes ago
EA replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 8 Team List v Manly Warringah Sea Eagles (Anzac Round)
"Thanks mate. The Manly team are shit to be fair. They are coming last in JF with no SG ball players in the team still.
Jordan Rankin has been doing a great job recently. He deserves a massive shout out."
59 minutes ago
Nitram replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Did eels dodge a bullet with Galvin?
"Yeah they won 70% of the twenty games prior to Galvin's arrival and only 50% in the twenty games since he arrived. It is all Gus' fault. He needs to admit he made a mistake. Everyone else is already thinking it so he needs to man up and admit it.…"
1 hour ago
Jack replied to Clintorian's discussion Jenkins to the Eels?
"That's not true young was at the roosters. Jenkins played terrible at the knights "
1 hour ago
EA replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights
"They are going ponga fullback with sharpe and brown in the halves "
1 hour ago
Poupou Escobar replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights
"Yeah he's a very risky signing, and difficult to price. If he plays 20+ games he's worth $1.5M for sure, but in eight full seasons at the Knights, he's only played 20 games three times. It's only round 8 this year and he will have missed six games…"
2 hours ago
Parra_Greg replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Did eels dodge a bullet with Galvin?
"He made a big mistake I think going to the dogs"
2 hours ago
Slippery. replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights

 From the start of the 2024 season up until today the Knights have played 55 premiership games and Ponga has been involved in 31. That is only 56%. Surely this must be considered when putting a valuation on him. If he is worth $1,500,000 per…"
2 hours ago
shane replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights
"The Newcastle Knights have dropped a surprise on the NRL landscape, locking in the future of Kalyn Ponga until at least the end of 2030.
 






 
 
The star fullback has been linked to other NRL clubs repeatedly in recent seasons, and was also…"
2 hours ago
Angry Eel replied to Muttman's discussion Apa Twidle signs with the Bears
"Those teams are usually brimming with Rep players as a by product of the teams success. What I'm trying to say is we have talent in our team, we just need to be better as a defensive unit and someone like Guymer fits that. Penrith have had players…"
2 hours ago
shane replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights
" heading is a bit misleading Mutts, its only a 3yr extention as he is already signed for next year and decided to extend instead of waiting till novenber and go to market."
2 hours ago
Bubba j replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Did eels dodge a bullet with Galvin?
"Would have been a perfect 6 for Parra but as a 7 and running the team no dumbest move ever going to the dogs but a lot of guys get sucked into the coolaid over there so no sympathy "
2 hours ago
JC replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion Did eels dodge a bullet with Galvin?
"He is contracted until the end of 2028 unfortunately. "
2 hours ago
Muttman replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights
"Damn. It's almost as if the Knights are locking up elite talent. Crazy. "
2 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Muttman's discussion Ponga signs a 5 year extension with Knights
"seriously who really cares "
2 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2367

 

Jenkins to the Eels?

Some early Friday morning scuttlebutt on Facebook saying Eels have made an offer to sign Thomas Jenkins from the Panthers. I really have no idea if this is true or the validity behind the rumours, but this is a signing I can definitely get behind.…

Read more…
83 Replies · Reply by Jack 1 hour ago
Views: 2564

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>