Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Nightmare Off-Season replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R4 vs Panthers: Disrupt the Disruptors? (FINAL TEAMS IN)
"LB, I don't think it's the Panthers loss that is hurting fans here. They're an incredible team & you're spot on, the fight to keep competing shows character & resiliance.
And that's a double edged sword because a team with this much fight who is…"
8 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R4 vs Panthers: Disrupt the Disruptors? (FINAL TEAMS IN)
"Well his choices at Lock now present a big problem. Walker should not be starting, his first contact in defence is not what we need. de Belin was signed to be that and seems to not be what Ryles wants. 
We are lacking a leader in the forwards and…"
30 minutes ago
LB replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"Can we stop with the whole "This player wouldn't get a run in a Penrith jersey" comment? If you take a few of those Penrith players and put them in this Parramatta team, they would be average. Some systems get the best out of players and can make…"
38 minutes ago
LB replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"Again, comes down to Ryles simply saying he needs someone different to work with. It shouldn't but is the case. "
44 minutes ago
KENDOZA replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"Look at our front office i doubt any of them would get a gig anywhere else."
53 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R4 vs Panthers: Disrupt the Disruptors? (FINAL TEAMS IN)
"There are some defensive issues Mutts we are getting manhandled in the middle we can't control the ruck and we aren't starting games well.There are some coaching issues there like EA mentioned we've not seen JR look so down trodden in a after match…"
2 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R4 vs Panthers: Disrupt the Disruptors? (FINAL TEAMS IN)
"I got critiqued during the week and got told I was over exaggerating for saying I'd put the line through us this year for having any shot at winning the comp.
What disappoints me I watch for indicators during the off season pre season especially…"
2 hours ago
Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"The major differences between us and penrith is the talent. They continuously produce it to the point that they can afford to lose or bench top quality players, the other thing is they don't have a loser club mentality, players want to be…"
3 hours ago
Yehez replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"We are that far behind Penrith. Because most of the league is. 
We have played the Premiers, Grand Finalists and Penrith in first 4 rounds. We'll lost against shit teams but we'll settle with our style once we get a run against normal teams. 
Then…"
4 hours ago
Richard B'Stard replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"Surely there have been MON discussions at the club. The roster seems to be getting weaker, with less depth every year. Surely six years in the job is long enough when you see a continued downward trend in the new-talent department."
6 hours ago
LB replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"I was simply giving MON some credit in that he has not been inept. He has made some decent signings in the past. But is not good enough now and a new voice could be needed.
As i said, it shouldn't be on Ryles but he has to speak up about his…"
7 hours ago
Joel K replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Game Day Blog R4 vs Panthers: Disrupt the Disruptors? (FINAL TEAMS IN)
"Mate if Ryles ends up getting sacked before the R&R then delete the club"
7 hours ago
The Captain replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"I genuinely don't like going hard on one individual, I truly don't. And obviously MON hasn't been 100% bad all the time at his job. 
But at a senior level you're not judged on individual actions, you're judged on outcomes.
So the fact that MON has…"
7 hours ago
EA replied to EA's discussion Line Up next week
"Lorenzo apparently is only HIA"
8 hours ago
The Captain replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"We won't become elite by chasing players that other clubs don't want. The answer isn't finding discards who are better than our current discards. 
We need to attract and recruit and develop and retain superstars.
That's the job of our GM of Football…"
8 hours ago
The Captain replied to Offside's discussion How are we so Far Behind?
"We don't have enough evidence to judge Ryles as a coach. 
What is true is you need excellent on field talent to support a rookie coach through his first years. Look at how Ciraldo was set up at the Bulldogs with their recruitment sprees and poaching…"
8 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2247

 

The "want"

Its not in the who, the why, or the how its in the want. How can  It take 2 front rowers and a large hooker to put down a winger its in the want. How can a so so 2nd rower run thru 3 first up tacklers , side step a 5/8 and get a pass away, its in…

Read more…
3 Replies · Reply by Snottie Pimpin 9 hours ago
Views: 379

This is frightning

Today minutes before H/T in Ball one of our own went down, and stayed down.Great concern for the player, while he was being cared for on the ground for 65 minutes.It took that long for the first ambulance to arrive, where the Ambos took over and…

Read more…
11 Replies · Reply by EA 8 hours ago
Views: 710

Ragged dolled every week?

It seems to be boys V men entry week watching Parra play. We simply have been ragdolled every week. We have skill with the ball but are always chasing given we are on the back foot.Does the Centre of Excellence have a weights room ... we look weak…

Read more…
7 Replies · Reply by Coryn Hughes 10 hours ago
Views: 416

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>