Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Cumberland Eel replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Claim pensioner discount via Centrestink "
18 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"The way we finished the season just stopped them laughing right in our faces and Matty is literally paid to babble. A team on the rise, yeah cool, that is not respect and who the fuck is Riccio I mean you can't take any first grade team lightly or…"
22 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"But he wants $700k to do it....Oofft"
30 minutes ago
Rabz S replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"If he did come back with an eye on R360 at least it gives the club 2 years to plan for his replacement"
39 minutes ago
Hell On Eels replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"R360 could pose a threat down the track. Perhaps, this delay is also about sidestepping the 2027 RU World Cup. A 2028 start gives them a clear four-year RU recruitment window. Can't say I'd be too upset if this whole thing blows away for good…"
52 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"💯 I'd have him back in a heartbeat he's too important to us and without any real replacement of that caliber and depth ready to go have the conversation and make it happen.Welcome back Zac."
54 minutes ago
Cumberland Eel replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Via Zac Blowmax "
1 hour ago
Adam Magrath replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Have you forgotten what transpired during this past season? We got walloped by 50 plus in round 1 and everyone was thinking what the fuck have these cunts done with this Ryles dipshit. We finished the season winning however many games in a row…"
1 hour ago
Hell On Eels replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"LB, Stuff the media, optics, blowbacks, what punters think. If he's committed to playing for us 26-27, yeah, I'd take him back. Let bygones be bygones. Give him another chance. If he leaves in 2028, for R360 so be it. Wish him the best. "
1 hour ago
Wizardssleeves official receipts replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Cooper Cronk: On the Parramatta Eels, Pezet, Lomax and Recruitment
"Too many stairs at  Randwick. "
1 hour ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Issue is do you want him back if he has an eye on R360? He would leave with a year left on his deal. And the constant chatter around him going would it be distracting on top of the proposed ban by V'Landys? Could say let him sign early and play out…"
1 hour ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Travelling has nothing to do with it. He got the offer from R360 and wanted to take it and travel. Thats the info given to me. He had no issues with Parra or Ryles.
Poppa with all due respect, you knock people about the salaries of TDS saying how…"
1 hour ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Parra fan the way Ryles was so open about him leaving and seemingly calm about it shows he's content on the decision and is in no rush. If he wants to come back maybe all well and good but if we either can't afford him or don't want him he can look…"
1 hour ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"Or getting choked out"
2 hours ago
mongolian trotting duck replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"he wont be on centre money in a new deal"
2 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion R360 Delayed Until 2028: Good News
"I'm on board, with reservations, but no one respects us. We simply don't demand it.
Who respects us? Nrl, refs, pundits, potential players?
I guess I just don't see it"
2 hours ago
More…

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>