Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Yehez replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"He's a fullback, of course he'll leave. 
He needs a lot of work defensively to be a center, which someone like Richie Penisini (who's younger than Apa) already is better at. 
at 5/8 the defense will be an issue but we have Lorenzo, Fletcher, Risati,…"
1 hour ago
Jack replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"I don't think twiddle is a boom rookie. Got talent and is a class players at times but I can't see him landing a full time gig in the halves or fb for us "
2 hours ago
DYNASTY.LOADING replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"If he is not retained that'll be the nail in the coffin for any hope under this administration. 
If not they've learnt and grown and that'd be exciting"
2 hours ago
LB replied to Yeah Man's discussion Just Our Luck
"Thompson will be rusty and doubt he plays long minutes. Still will be hard to beat without him."
2 hours ago
Collaroy Eel replied to fake midget pseudoachondroplasia's discussion Ryles coaching
"Spot on. He needs to go back to what was working, that was Walker coming off the bench"
3 hours ago
fake midget pseudoachondroplasia’s discussion was featured
There has been a lot of comments about Ryles coaching especially after the big losses to Penrith and Storm and now after Tigers.  Funny that they weren't there after our wins but that is a different discussion.Here is a good example of good…
4 hours ago
Darren Munro replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"I would say a swap deal will xerri dogs and Averillo dolphins 🐬. "
4 hours ago
Wild_Eels replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"I am sure if Arthur was the coach no one would blame MON but him. "
4 hours ago
Michael W. replied to fake midget pseudoachondroplasia's discussion Ryles coaching
"With the loss of players he doesn't have much choice. It's no different to Watson at the chooks, when they were down Butcher and Radley, Robbie was starting him at lock, and Watson is like Walker in a lot of respects, they make a bigger difference…"
4 hours ago
EA replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"The only play Galvin has is his short pass to Preston. Ever dogs fan will tell you that. Yet Talagi did not look comfortable once. No shoulder in his tackles. As someone said. Panthers defence is actually vulnerable on their edges. But they normally…"
4 hours ago
Michael W. replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"And Talagi has had a couple of seasons in 1st grade. He cost Penrith at least 2 tries with his missed tackles. "
4 hours ago
Nitram replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"Yeah hidden defensive issues because penrith usually hold the ball more and control field position better. But tonight shows he still cant tackle."
4 hours ago
Muttman replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"He's had a shocker. A big reason for their loss. Preston got a saloon passage. "
4 hours ago
EA replied to fake midget pseudoachondroplasia's discussion Ryles coaching
"The one thing I will stand that JR is doing incorrect is starting Walker. The past couple weeks he hasn't been affective that's because he is starting "
4 hours ago
EA replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"Anyone watching Blaize defence tonight. Worse than his defence at parra wow"
4 hours ago
Bubba j replied to Joel K's discussion Bulldogs and Dolphins in talks with Apa Twidle
"He can play anywhere in the backline and as such should be retained for his versatility we obviously can't sign anyone outside the club so re-sign him now to a top 30 contract next year "
5 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2286

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>