Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Johnny Suede replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Happy Christmas to ALL
""
30 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"I do not mind any topic being discussed, just more so have the Eels topic section be for Eels and/or NRL news and discussions."
2 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Happy Christmas to ALL
"Merry xmas ce.
Beers in the fridge with bourbon and coke ready.
I hope everyone has a fantastic day "
2 hours ago
Gerad Elias replied to Roy tannous's discussion Adidas wanting to be eels jersey manufacturers 2027 👀
"The Wanderers Adidas merch is pretty decent. Although the material they use for football is different to Rugby. The NZ All Blacks Adidas merch is great quality, but the roosters and NSW merch is pretty average. They don't use the top tier material."
3 hours ago
christeel replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Happy Christmas to ALL
"and  to you  and  your family also C E   Xmas  as to all eel followers as well,  bless the  parramatta eels and  God bless  Australia 🇦🇺.... Xmas  !!"
4 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"Whether some admit it or not, the off season blogs do keep this site alive during the downtime. It's also offers people a place to off load and share their opinions on matters outside of footy.
And if we are all being honest, who can honestly say…"
4 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"I love a good argument in real life and on here - I dont look for it but it invariably finds me. 
To be fair, a good debate or argument makes me feel alive and gets the heart pumping."
5 hours ago
Michael W. replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Happy Christmas to ALL
"Merry Xmas CE. Same as you, kids left now, Xmas just me and the Mrs, which is bad news for my diet."
5 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"Easier to have a mute button for users whose post you don't want to see"
5 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"The Wizard hath returned this very day...Kaloo Kalay"
5 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"What grinds my gears by Wiz is number 1 from memory.
There were a few from him and Snake that would also be top 5 and none of those from memory were footy related..."
5 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"Every site member selects the topics or posters they'd like to see and only these blogs or contributors will show up in their thread.
This way they don't have to pull out the razor blades everytime they see negativity or opinions opposing there's or…"
5 hours ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"That's actually a great idea.
Every site member selects the topics or posters they'd like to see and only these blogs or contributors will show up in their thread.
This way they don't have to pull out the razor blades everytime they see negativity…"
5 hours ago
The Badger replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Happy Christmas to ALL
"Feliz Navidad amigos "
5 hours ago
Trent replied to Roy tannous's discussion Adidas wanting to be eels jersey manufacturers 2027 👀
"Kit needs something "
5 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Your Thoughts on the Future of the Site?
"yeah, Snowflake isn;t a Left or Right thing, it's a personality thing. Even when we stick to footy it can be a bloodsport in the comments. We follow Footy, not Tennis. Some of us can be combative. It kinda comes with the territory."
5 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
11 Replies · Reply by Flow Basket Dec 17
Views: 1473

ANY MORE SIGNINGS???

I've been frustrated recently about the work we have been doing in the open market. Jonah's alright for a year and JDB is solid but he's getting old. I feel we need more in the forwards and some a replacement outside back. All I have seen is links…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 119

 

Happy Christmas to ALL

I would just like to wish you all a really happy Christmas and a really healthy, happy and prosperous New Year in 2026! Please stay safe, don't drink and drive, spend precious time with your family and loved ones as life is too short and every day…

Read more…
9 Replies · Reply by Johnny Suede 30 minutes ago
Views: 100

Eels on tour to Townsville

The Eels have begun promoting their interstate trips. With no trip to Darwin this year, they are heading to Townsville for their away match against the Cowboys. They have all-inclusive packages available now. Should be in your inbox if you're a…

Read more…
2 Replies · Reply by Muttman yesterday
Views: 459

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>