Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

LB replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion Congratulations Michael Ennis!
"Dean Young would get it."
29 minutes ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"Based on the nrl team our main players we must retain are:
- Fletcher (Moses heir)
- Talataina/Risati (one will be the long term 5/8 of the club)
- Coinakis (need a 3rd string hooker)
- Petrus, Naeur, Polley (backrow)
- Talagi, Koina, Popo, Nunn,…"
34 minutes ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"I know Rex is very highly rated and a schoolboy for the Aussie union team from memory. So not saying he isn't good. Just that we have a very good one as well. "
40 minutes ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"Nah I think Bamblett will leave the club. If I was the Dragons, I would be chasing him hard. "
44 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"Could well be."
45 minutes ago
Mallee57 replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion Congratulations Michael Ennis!
"Can't see Flanagan lasting much longer at the Dragons. Would he have done any better at Parra? Don't think so! Hopefully Ryles can put this team on a winning streak "
1 hour ago
Perpetual Motion replied to Clintorian's discussion Panthers put 50 on Storm, you love to see it!
"Thats one unnaturally large chin.
Petides are good for you.
BC-157
Tb-500
Will do you no harm."
1 hour ago
Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion Congratulations Michael Ennis!
"Won't be long before they give Ennis the job."
1 hour ago
John Boyle replied to Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug's discussion Congratulations Michael Ennis!
"Flanagan looked gone in the Press Conference."
1 hour ago
SneakyEel replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"Iongi
Addo-Carr
Timoko
Penisini
Taulagi
Talatina
Moses
Mariota
Smith
Tuivati
Kautoga
Williams
Guymer
Da Silva
Walker
Paulo
Hopgood
Samrani
Papalii

This should be our squad in 2027 if we wanna do anything "
1 hour ago
Richard Jackson replied to Prof. Daz's discussion R5 vs TIGERS: The Trial
"Thanks Prof for your honest but gloomy expose of our current and future chances in this game. Appreciate your summary but it does make it a little harder to be strong.
In answer to your question 'Will we turn on our team' you know the answer to…"
2 hours ago
The Captain replied to Clintorian's discussion Panthers put 50 on Storm, you love to see it!
"I assume a heck of a lot of the players are on gear cycles throughout their development stages. I'm sure it's pure coincidence that Nathan Cleary's chin looks like it has hoarded HGH.
But there's a big step up between players doing things during…"
2 hours ago
Poppa replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"LOL, very clever....."
2 hours ago
LB replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"Do you see any avenue for Bamblett to break into FG? Like maybe Wing or Centre for time being?"
2 hours ago
Mr Perpetual Motion replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill' Sack !'s discussion Eels Targets 2027
"Fair enough. Rex has played a lot of centre, too. "
2 hours ago
Poppa replied to Eels2025's discussion Anyone else feel like this week against Tigers is make or break?
"Whilst I appreciate your comments EA and yours as well JC, there can be different ways of approaching things with a philosophical view.
The development and coaching that you espouse is arguably correct and an improvement but "very lateral thinking"…"
2 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2270

 

Panthers then daylight

Our loss last week was bad but looking at this panthers team and how ahead of the cmp they are its hard not to 1. Be impressed 2. Concerned  The way they keep on getting better is scary they used to be our little neighbours now they are the biggest…

Read more…
6 Replies · Reply by Coryn Hughes 20 hours ago
Views: 212

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>