Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Blue Eel replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Unity is Strength: Back the Badge
"Well said Super. I don't know the guys stuff from a bar of soap, and it's refreshing to hear from one of our own, with an alternative view. LB alluded to it  in some blogs and i took it on board. You have now confirmed some more things.
Onwards and…"
6 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Joel K's discussion Club to take up De Belin option
"Brown about did it for me 8 yr contract and we still lose our best and brightest developed player in the last decade yet as you mention AE Penrith Melbourne and alike some how manage to keep there best young players stashed and when they do let…"
8 minutes ago
Hell On Eels replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Unity is Strength: Back the Badge
"Well said Captain and Super.
There is a huge difference between commonplace fan disagreement, perspective and personality at odds, and fans or members who cross a line and seek to undermine or sabotage club operations.
It’s a bit like a back-seat…"
19 minutes ago
fishbulb replied to Jason's discussion Here we go again 😂
"Don't bring devon into this!"
21 minutes ago
Mitchy replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Unity is Strength: Back the Badge
"Yes that is fair enough, and I for one would have had no idea who / what this was about."
22 minutes ago
Angry Eel replied to Joel K's discussion Club to take up De Belin option
"At Parra, any junior with any talent gets stripped before they even make 1st grade. There's always an excuse. Stafano, Tulagi, Sanders and now Twidle was the last straw for me. There's something seriously wrong at this club that we can't hang on to…"
25 minutes ago
The Badger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Unity is Strength: Back the Badge
"You say the playing group and the club are all pulling in the same direction. What direction do you think that is?
All I can see is right full rudder at best and reverse at worst.
As for the guy mentioned. Never heard of him or his podcast so I…"
51 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Joel K's discussion Club to take up De Belin option
"Gents I mean I know you've all seen how sides are built you need to be athletic in this version of the game.If you don't have that athleticism and physicality across the park your making the numbers up.
I mean look at what Penrith have a 20 yr…"
56 minutes ago
Offside replied to The Ghost of Danny Crnkovich's discussion Eels podcasts
" Im not a big fan of fan podcasts
I think TCT is the best of them 
I can't stand the parracave guy im reluctant to sledge him cause I suspect he has a disability but his content is terrible.
Talking Parra i can't stand old mate is so up himself and…"
59 minutes ago
JC replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Unity is Strength: Back the Badge
"I wouldn't know anything about this whole talking parra fiasco if it wasn't for members on this site posting about it. By doing so you are giving it traction. "
1 hour ago
Tin Tim replied to Jason's discussion Here we go again 😂
"100% he gives great insight he loves the club & now this. I came in here & wasn't disappointed in the crap some have said, I was expecting it. This club needs to lift on so many levels. "
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Joel K's discussion Club to take up De Belin option
"Solid but doesn't move the needle enough imo.He's just a guy who'll do the job not overly quick strong or fast but again a guy like this walks right into Parra's backline because we are so woefully under manned in the outside backs.
JaC yes great…"
1 hour ago
Gucci replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Unity is Strength: Back the Badge
"Very well written mate. To me it seems like the biggest issue the club has with Talking Parra are the leaks he is fed. The club has done a number to close out these leaks and we bearly hear anything unless its stated by the club to the media…"
1 hour ago
Tin Tim replied to Jason's discussion Here we go again 😂
"I liked his pod cast, this club needs to lift. We all agree on that. "
1 hour ago
Titan replied to Jason's discussion Here we go again 😂
"Why are so many attacking this parra fan. I don't care what any fan states on social media, it's the new world and the club needs to be bigger than that and ignore outside noise.
The noise stops when the club performs. If not, it should cop as much…"
1 hour ago
Tin Tim replied to Jason's discussion Here we go again 😂
"The club become a joke, they hate criticism, so act innocent here, a lot here have certainly gone down town on this club. He accused and that where it stands. But this is the pits for this club, they they have enough to worry about, not what groups…"
1 hour ago
More…

Remember Rodney Hogg

Rodney was a late arrival to Test cricket at age 27. Born in Victoria he was overlooked by state selectors and moved to Adelaide to find an earlier path to Shield.He was selected and within a year he was noticed by Alan Davidson who mentioned his…

Read more…
6 Replies · Reply by Poppa May 27
Views: 254

 

Eels podcasts

What are your thoughts on the different eels specific podcasts?Cumberland Throw- solid whole club analysis. I prefer their blogs which give a great run down of all grades while also giving their opinions.Parra cave podcast- find it a tough listen.…

Read more…
7 Replies · Reply by Offside 59 minutes ago
Views: 423

RECRUITMENT

Seems like every week there are good quality players coming onto the market or that are available that would add something to our team and roster but we aren't seeming to be as active in the player market as we were earlier this year. EG Keon.…

Read more…
85 Replies · Reply by Angry Eel 2 hours ago
Views: 2041

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>