Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Johnny Suede's discussion One that got away?
"Yea and how many did we keep. Khafusi should never have been let go as Utokimanu was. 
Arthur- you're kidding me. The only reason he got through because of yours truly. 
 "
7 minutes ago
Rabz S replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"We played Tigers R2 then again Easter round this year."
20 minutes ago
Parra_Greg replied to Johnny Suede's discussion One that got away?
"Moneyball aka bushieball but with the expertise and insight...MON was the one generating the stats"
51 minutes ago
Tin Tim replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Eels star told 'do not return to pre season training'
"Ohh the bloody fine, he explained the fine & when they rang him, if you don't know how he found out & where he was maybe you shouldn't be commenting on it. So bloody what, all you want him doing is playing well, he was a state player & he had some…"
1 hour ago
Poupou Escobar replied to Johnny Suede's discussion One that got away?
"Our 2022 squad had a bunch of pathways players:
ArthurBrownKaufusiMahoneyPenisiniRussellStone
These guys came through before Covid, when the club was investing in pathways recruitment. The players were ready, so they were brought into the squad. But…"
1 hour ago
The Badger replied to Johnny Suede's discussion One that got away?
"Speaking of juniors ...we should get a good Qld Cup feeder team.
We can then get a bunch of Qld players but leave them up there to thrive in their local environment."
3 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"Titans pls"
4 hours ago
Joel K replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"We wont get the Storm because we are most likely versing them in Vegas in 2027"
12 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"We will smash them"
12 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"That's crazy"
12 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Thoughts on the Eli Kaota brain injury ?
"The coach should be fire-walled off from the decision. It's above their pay-grade and it is/should be out of their wheelhouse."
13 hours ago
HKF replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"If we get storm again round 1 there needs to be an investigation, that would be what,3 from last 5 first round clashes against storm?."
13 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"Easter - Tigers are usually R 4 or 5 so it probably won't be them "
13 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Poppa's discussion UPDATE on Melbourne Cup: Tuesday, 4th November; Read All About It......Updated today 2nd Nov 11.05 Qld Time, And Again 3rd Nov 4.26pm
"LOL"
13 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"One things for sure the nrl will gift bellamy with an easy rd 1 game we can't have craig losing round 1"
13 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion Round 1 match up - bit of an out there blog but -
"I reckon its the roosters or dolphins sunday arvo"
13 hours ago
More…

NAS Not Saying No

https://www.zerotackle.com/nas-discusses-potential-eels-move-228804/?utm_campaign=Zero+Tackle&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter"The 29-year-old admitted he's uncertain whether his next chapter will be in the NRL, rugby union, or even away from…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 17

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>