Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Poppa replied to Poppa's discussion Poppas Corner: Origin Blindness
"EA, I believe your first post contradicts many of the things you quoted in the following posts.
Stats and speed of  play the balls did not appear to be NSW favour. Matter of fact the relevant stat that has been overlooked was that it was the 69th…"
58 seconds ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Joeyboyz's discussion Is Jarome Luai worth going after?
"He seems pretty good at it"
1 minute ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Joeyboyz's discussion Is Jarome Luai worth going after?
"yawn....snore"
7 minutes ago
Uncle Wizardssleeve- Indigenous Elder-Freemason Hunter -He/Him replied to Joeyboyz's discussion Is Jarome Luai worth going after?
"We are more likley to sign Joahromel Blueye,  the reserve grader that can't make the Canterbury squad. "
13 minutes ago
KENDOZA replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Noise is getting louder around Tino wanting to leave the GC
"Heard today the dogs are clearing the decks for him. They nearly got him before remember "
16 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Noise is getting louder around Tino wanting to leave the GC
"He gonna collect more than that"
21 minutes ago
Uncle Wizardssleeve- Indigenous Elder-Freemason Hunter -He/Him replied to Joeyboyz's discussion Is Jarome Luai worth going after?
"Be told you bumbling old fool, he said he wants his own team. 
 
The end.,"
21 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Parra_Greg's discussion Kieran Foran retires end of 2025 Season
"I wonder if he his going to move back into his car"
23 minutes ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hector's discussion Young Joash papa extends
"Haha why not?
Nothing quite like a knock down rebuild."
24 minutes ago
Joeyboyz replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Noise is getting louder around Tino wanting to leave the GC
"He's exactly what we're missing in the forwards."
25 minutes ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hector's discussion Young Joash papa extends
"Agreed Iongi is a must."
25 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Joeyboyz's discussion Is Jarome Luai worth going after?
"Off white? 2 2 2"
27 minutes ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hector's discussion Young Joash papa extends
"This...
These guys are just so easy to please.
We've all seen this movie before and we know how it ends. We need to lock in a good spine, a good front rower, a good second rower and the adequates can fill the other positions."
27 minutes ago
Axel replied to Hector's discussion Young Joash papa extends
"Haven't you heard Mutters - 2027 is the next rebuild year"
28 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Joeyboyz's discussion Is Jarome Luai worth going after?
"No Daz, you are wrong!
You are being argumentive for arguments sake, I am not interested in Luai coming to Parra only the reason he went to Tigers i.e. 1.4m reportedly.....keys to the team is bullshit....if you wanted to get the keys to anything, …"
29 minutes ago
Frank The Tank replied to Hector's discussion Young Joash papa extends
"If that's the case based on what we've seen he's not the answer. Unless he starts to brain it, I just can't see him making that jersey his."
31 minutes ago
More…

NSW Origin Squad 2025

WESTPAC NSW BLUES SQUADAmpol State of Origin, Game OneSuncorp Stadium, Brisbane Wednesday 28 May1. Dylan Edwards (Penrith Panthers)2. Brian To’o (Penrith Panthers)3. Stephen Crichton (Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs)4. Latrell Mitchell (South Sydney…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 270

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>