Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Mallee57 replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 6 Team List v Gold Coast Titans
"What is Nanva like"
3 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL reject dispensation
"Hard to win when they give the referees a free licence"
3 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL reject dispensation
"Agree Vegas is V'Landys peach pie. Doesn't benefit the Eels one bit. Tell him to stick it where the sun don't shine"
3 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Mallee57's discussion Annoying Advertising
"Would an early Christmas Card suffice and a scratchy "
3 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Prof. Daz's discussion Gough & THAT Capt challenge
"Clearly shows how Gough really stuffed up. Is it honest ignorance on his part not knowing the actual tackle rule or does he consider himself that authoritarian that not one single tackle is completed in every game until a referee calls held. That is…"
3 hours ago
Prof. Daz replied to Mallee57's discussion Annoying Advertising
"Oh, forgot to mention, there is a finders fee paid to 1EE of:"
5 hours ago
The Captain replied to Prof. Daz's discussion Gough & THAT Capt challenge
"Gough 100% stuffed the tackle/held call up, which happens. That's annoying but forgivable.
But him refusing the challenge, that's doubling down on a call he would have known was wrong. That's why he's been benched this week. 
If he'd just let the…"
5 hours ago
The Captain replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL reject dispensation
"I mean I would have done the same thing. The NRL doesn't want to open this particular can of worms.
Our only shot at this was a backroom deal with the higher ups in the NRL, as soon as we spoke out of turn to the media I knew we were cooked.
Looked…"
5 hours ago
Prof. Daz replied to Prof. Daz's discussion Gough & THAT Capt challenge
"On Mallee's point, about stopping of momentum and a tackle being complete regardless of whether the ref calls held, it is interesting to look at the laws of the game. This is because Mallee's suggestion is correct. But Google or AI Overview is not…"
5 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL reject dispensation
"If i'm ryles i'm installing its us v the nrl. Best way to get back is start winning some games. When the nrl want to acknowlegde tell them to fuck off. But we have a soft cock front office would any other club employ buckets,rodgers or jim no way"
6 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 6 Team List v Gold Coast Titans
"We have nothing to lose. Fox is not 100 percent rest him 1.papa 2.nanva 3. Penisini 4. Kelly 21.allemadine 22.tatiana 7. Mitch"
6 hours ago
Clayton replied to Prof. Daz's discussion Gough & THAT Capt challenge
"Actually, being so close to the try line it was a classic sin bin offence by the player knocking the ball out. Not since probably Henry P, have we witnessed such an incompetent performance. Touchies were bad too. Missed a blatant strip that led to a…"
6 hours ago
HH - Love You Iongi Time! replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill's Sack !'s discussion Strong rumoured loan deal happening
"That Clayton Faulalo would suit me.
 "
6 hours ago
EeLmatiC replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill's Sack !'s discussion Strong rumoured loan deal happening
"And we hate Blake Wilson
 "
6 hours ago
Prof. Daz replied to Prof. Daz's discussion Gough & THAT Capt challenge
"Super, remeber those press sessions Annesley would run each week, where he went thorugh controversial incidents and identified where he thought the ref got it right or wrong?
Imagine Annesley confronted with the question of "is a player tackled or a…"
6 hours ago
Graham polkinghorne replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL reject dispensation
"We low balled our starting squad by 2. No club has been given that type of dispensation."
7 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2284

 

Gough & THAT Capt challenge

Did Gough make a mistake in the "can't Captains Challenge" incident (Williams' almost-try) with 2:56 remaining in the first half against the Tigers Round 5? Is that and other referring indiscretions - basically orchestrating thee game - why Gough…

Read more…
8 Replies · Reply by Mallee57 3 hours ago
Views: 269

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>