Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Hell On Eels replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Moses Suli anyone?
"Can Steamroll
Can jump, can catch
Can pass
 
Wherever Suli ends up, it all depends on the right coach, right fit, the right attitude from Suli, and if he works damn hard to be a bit more consistent. Not sure if he needs to stay at center though.
 "
1 minute ago
The Badger replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Moses Suli anyone?
"You should amend this to say we have done well with a few rejects ...there have been plenty that have done sweet FA as well."
11 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Eels95's discussion Thomas Jenkins
"Moses Beau Scott Gutho RCG Paulo Lomax off the top of my head in reasonably recent times.
Its a tougher go now because talent is speed thinner with more teams and the teams that seemingly develop the best are the teams that are ahead of the kerb.…"
17 minutes ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Moses Suli anyone?
"Pops,  the game has sped up and fast outside backs are taking advantage of the space
Is Suli quick  - no
He cant pass
Makes numerous errors in attack and defence 
Is unwanted by a team who can't win a chook raffle 
Unless st george are paying 50%…"
19 minutes ago
Mallee57 replied to Eels95's discussion Thomas Jenkins
"How many decent players have Parra signed over the years? Not that many that I can remember. Steve Edge from the Dragons. The 2 players from the Bulldogs that Brian Smith signed I think McKracken was one but can't think of the other player. Foran…"
19 minutes ago
Mallee57 replied to Eels95's discussion Thomas Jenkins
"When was the last time Eels signed a decent player from another club that actually did something beneficial? I can only think of a few and that was years ago. Players like Steven Edge ( Dragons) Mackraken and the other Bulldogs player that Brian…"
26 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Moses Suli anyone?
"We have done well with rejects Steely, that said we can and may do better, but I see no benefit in undermining him without at least seeing what he can do for us.
Just remember Ryles will have the final say, I am sure he will have enough information…"
34 minutes ago
Hell On Eels replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Mason and Scope on Parramatta Recruitment and How Premierships Are Won
"LB, that point you make about "belief" is huge not just for R&R, but in performance.
Terrell May is an excellent example.
Actually , he makes me wonder about someone like Suli who many clubs and fans don't believe in. "He's crap, I will hand in my…"
36 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Moses Suli anyone?
""This guy is as shit as it gets and there's clearly a reason St George are getting rid of him, it's because they've realised he's shit!"
Is this what you referred to Cheefy? I might have a seeing eye dog, but he read that out clearly to me......for…"
48 minutes ago
LB replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Mason and Scope on Parramatta Recruitment and How Premierships Are Won
"Oh yeah you need to, as you need to make them feel they are wanted to start, have belief they will be starting.
As for PNG, they are this boogeyman but are nothing but a shadow at the moment. Look who they have signed; Luai, Johnston, Watson and…"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Eels95's discussion Thomas Jenkins
"He would be bought as a centre or wing with the potential to be a utility......any expectations of greatness would be a complete exxageration..... the decision could only rest with the alternatives we have....as someone mentioned you don't have to…"
1 hour ago
Hell On Eels replied to Hell On Eels's discussion Mason and Scope on Parramatta Recruitment and How Premierships Are Won
"LB, the thing is, and Gus laments this all the time, you generally have to pay overs for good juniors you want to keep. Big Sam will be one. Let's hope he stays loyal.
Look at the consequences of this. It's probably another blog.
If Gus and Scope…"
1 hour ago
Steel be with you replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion Moses Suli anyone?
"No thanks. Moses Suli was sacked by two teams for having a poor attitude. He's one of them players who was talked up a lot when he first came on the scene as being something but it has never materialised. "
1 hour ago
Manuel Dortimer replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 14 Team List v Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs
"Ryleys defence is equally as shit.  Doesnt engage any markers.  Speed bump in defence.  Doesnt have a short kicking game.  Id prefer Edwards defence over Ryleys "chase really hard" plays. "
1 hour ago
Manuel Dortimer replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 14 Team List v Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs
"Tallyn is better than Ryley.  I said what everyone is thinking.  There is much more to hooker play than kick pressure. "
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Eels95's discussion Thomas Jenkins
"You realise I am sticking up for you Cheefy, but I am a bit concerned he sees you as an old man.....you have a while to go to qualify as a silly old bastard Cheef...... but you will qualify one day.....you have the silly part down pat already."
1 hour ago
More…

Remember Rodney Hogg

Rodney was a late arrival to Test cricket at age 27. Born in Victoria he was overlooked by state selectors and moved to Adelaide to find an earlier path to Shield.He was selected and within a year he was noticed by Alan Davidson who mentioned his…

Read more…
6 Replies · Reply by Poppa May 27
Views: 275

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>