Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

The Badger replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"Wiz, I think the auto stand down policy only comes into effect if the potential sentence is 5 years plus. This is a GBB at worse. Probably a fine and no conviction recorded.
I've heard that the NRL is waiting until the court outcome."
9 minutes ago
Parra fan on The Hill replied to MontoEel's discussion Reed Mahoney's Doubts about Bulldogs
"What are we going to do if Hodgson busts his knee again should be the question."
14 minutes ago
HKF replied to LB's discussion First trial; Who are we excited to watch?
"Russell is afullback"
17 minutes ago
The Badger replied to LB's discussion First trial; Who are we excited to watch?
"I find this interesting. (in a weird way)
If that's the case, why would he be paraded around at the season launch as part of the 2023 NRL squad? I mean, what's the point of that?"
23 minutes ago
iamnot replied to MontoEel's discussion Reed Mahoney's Doubts about Bulldogs
"I'm looking forward to seeing what the Dogs do when his shoulder blows out again. "
26 minutes ago
Parra fan on The Hill replied to MontoEel's discussion Reed Mahoney's Doubts about Bulldogs
"According to wiki we made a final offer of 1,5 mil over 3 but he decided to take the dogs money. I get that. That's an extra 450 K over the 3. I get he left for the money. Personally, I'm a man who holds a grudge so if I was left by the bins as he…"
28 minutes ago
Poppa replied to MontoEel's discussion Reed Mahoney's Doubts about Bulldogs
"I can see where you are coming from Wiz and don't disagree (not that I mind losing Reed).
Couple of things ....Reed is a hog, always has been, single handedly lost us a u /21 Grand Final. His obvious overcalling of Moses is another issue.
Finally…"
31 minutes ago
Poppa replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"LOL Bert,  you don't know me very well....Tech Savy? I remember Phil Sim adjusting the print on a post I made because it was so small, I had no idea how I did it.
I think I have made it clear that the nursing home is imaginery, so not sure where you…"
52 minutes ago
Wizards Sleeve replied to MontoEel's discussion Reed Mahoney's Doubts about Bulldogs
"I knew from reading on here that his oldies are devoted Eels fans. Makes you wonder what exactly has happened behind the scenes with this move, hey.  You wouldn't think an extra 50k per year would be enough to entice a player who was brought up…"
57 minutes ago
Frank The Tank replied to Phil Gould's discussion Will Benji succeed into a good coach?
"No chance"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"Well put Analyst."
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"I think you just knocked that for "six" FM, great work and Taddy and Maggie and also for Victor.....take note most of the vitrolic on here is really about Mitchell......then you can ask the question are they playing the man rather than the ball. Why…"
1 hour ago
Wizards Sleeve replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"Your point is rubbish as usual.  Show me a white player in the last decade that got arrested , fought with police and the NRL doesn't whack a suspension on them. Till then you're really going to struggle to show us that these clowns haven't been…"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"Nothing Tad, everyone loves you, your still a left wing "nutter".There's plenty out there that wear their heart on their sleeve, nothing wrong with that.....just live with the destinction.I'm sure you would prefer to be a left wing nutter than an…"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"Maggie you argue your points well but like a lot of arguments we as human beings become absolute. The examples you parade are not absolute but the fact cannot be denied that the "race card" gets a lot of play time across many examples in our…"
1 hour ago
Wizards Sleeve replied to Eel Nut's discussion Latrell and Wighton charged after brawl in Canberra
"Not even remotely close examples. You forgot the part about being arrested and fighting police trying to arrest them. "
1 hour ago
More…

CLEAN Jokes

Ordering a Pizza in 2022CALLER:Is this Pizza Hut?GOOGLE:No sir, it's Google Pizza.CALLER:I must have dialed a wrong number, sorry.GOOGLE:No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.CALLER:OK. I would like to order a pizza.GOOGLE:Do you want your…

Read more…
95 Replies · Reply by Tad 10 hours ago
Views: 769

Pool question.

Around the pool - Concrete vs Eko decking  ? Have had a concrete Plungie Max pool plonked in the ground , approx sitting 300mm above ground level and am torn between concreting around it or Eko decking .  anyone able to share their experiences with…

Read more…
24 Replies · Reply by Flow Basket Dec 28, 2022
Views: 313

 

Dylan Brown arm infection

Eels star recovering from arm infection after Bali mishaphttps://static.ffx.io/images/$width_144%2C$height_144/t_crop_fill/q_86%2Cf_auto/90acd1ac859491090152eb38901f644721609965 2x" alt="Adam Pengilly" width="72" height="72" />ByAdam…

Read more…
8 Replies · Reply by Frank The Tank 10 hours ago
Views: 633

First trial; Who are we excited to watch?

Our 2023 campaign starts somewhat on Saturday with a trial against Penrith. Considering this is the first trial it is believed majority of the team will be reserve graders bar some. I think players that will play round 1 or have a chance that will…

Read more…
34 Replies · Reply by HKF 17 minutes ago
Views: 1107

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>