Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

EA replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"to me our top 5 juniors that we have that haven't played nrl yet is Lorenzo (20), Petrus (19), Koina (19), Seuseu (16) and Popo (20). Popo hasn't played much this year due to injury but last years form puts him on this list for me. Could argue the…"
2 hours ago
Kurupt - Your Mums Favourite Thug replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"I'm getting word out of Mexico that Loko is crazy."
3 hours ago
Yeah Man replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"Is Ryda, Petrus and Fletcher the best juniors we have?
 "
3 hours ago
LB replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"If it was possible to do why haven't other rubbish teams done so? It sounds simple in theory but it just isn't and what it will take to get Yeo and Cleary here would destroy our cap. Added to that Yeo is 33 next year, how long til he declines?"
3 hours ago
EA replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"Pryke is the 7th player from the 2023 SG ball winning team to make their NRL debut. Alamadine and Vaivea were the wingers in that team and they are in nsw cup. TBH i dont either are NRL quality. Lynn and De Stradis are playing Qcup.
So essentially…"
4 hours ago
EA replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"We have good juniors coming through for sure. The next wave starting with Lorenzo should start playing more NRL from next year. Then Petrus, Koina, Popo and others should follow"
4 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 7 Team List v Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs
"They won't"
4 hours ago
Yeah Man replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"Is talk of our juniors being good just talk or do we have at least something to look forward to."
4 hours ago
Parrafan101 replied to Yeah Man's discussion Worst forward pack ever in team history?
"That has to be the most scariest thing to happen, but could pivot so much in growth of our younger guys. Everything happens for a reason. "
5 hours ago
Parrafan101 replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"These are players we need, they are culture driven players. I'll sign watson as well, add Tago to our side as well. Winners and Heart thats what this club needs to be built on. If im Ryles ill go all in to sign Yeo or Cleary, you've got to do it for…"
5 hours ago
Joel K replied to Yeah Man's discussion Worst forward pack ever in team history?
"Smith is playing injured and we don't have anybody in cup to give him a rest"
5 hours ago
Parrafan101 replied to Roy tannous's discussion We’re gonna get bent over
"Can't see us win this, in order to win they need to play simple basic footy with a bit of defence. But we aren't willing to grind games down like we did in 2019-22. Ryles coaching is making these boys play to chaotic, when everyone should know what…"
5 hours ago
Yehez replied to Roy tannous's discussion We’re gonna get bent over
"What if we win tho"
5 hours ago
LB replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"I would argue you still do need experience, but I also have said we could do with two middles."
5 hours ago
Joel K replied to EA's discussion Loko Pasifiki Tonga requests immediate release
"We wouldn't need an established prop if we get him as he is first grade ready but I've only seen Titans and Bulldogs linked to him"
6 hours ago
HH - Love You Iongi Time! replied to ParramattaLurker's discussion Round 7 Team List v Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs
"There are too many variables to consider all up. The only constant being opportunity. Lorenzo, in all seriousness, may not be ready round 1 next year. The continual imbalance of rosters between FG and Cup due to injury could hinder his progress all…"
6 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2323

 

Injury Report

Hopgood - ACL - SeasonMatt Doorey - ACL - SeasonBailey Simonsson - Ankle - TBC (I would say season)Isaiah Iongi - Syndesmosis - rd 13Jonah Pezet - Hamstring - rd 13Apa Twiddle - AC Joint - rd 15Jordan Samrani - Knee - rd 13Richard Pensini - knee -…

Read more…
2 Replies · Reply by Eels95 10 hours ago
Views: 248

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>