Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Hell On Eels replied to Eelawarra's discussion EELS COACH JASON RYLES PUSHED TO SIGN OFF ON ZAC LOMAX’S RELEASE REQUEST - THIS IS WHY
"Hypothetical. Our wives or husbands tell us, "I want to explore a few sugar daddies over the next few years, or indefinitely". Which is strength of character: begging them to stay, hypnosis or drawing a line in the sand, letting them go? "
5 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"I loved watching him play sometimes Mace and he should be acknowledged for what he did on the field but he makes it hard for most people to put him on a pedestal.
No club  ties, no opportunities but we should not zero him out"
1 hour ago
macybrown replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"Yes I know and agree. About time we stuck up for our own. Remember recently watching greatest tries of finals over last twenty years on tele, thought ok we might get to see Haynsey's  vs StGeorge one there...but nah and totally honest it deserved…"
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Eelawarra's discussion EELS COACH JASON RYLES PUSHED TO SIGN OFF ON ZAC LOMAX’S RELEASE REQUEST - THIS IS WHY
"DB didn't open himself up to anything if Parra were strong enough in the front office like they seemingly are now there's no way those options are included that's the thing that has crushed that theory.Whomever is responsible for allowing DBs PA to…"
1 hour ago
Randy Handlinger replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"I did some clicking to see if he was for real and try to find a price... what I found looked more like grifting, or a cry for help....like a Chris Sandow clinic"
1 hour ago
Snottie Pimpin replied to Eelawarra's discussion EELS COACH JASON RYLES PUSHED TO SIGN OFF ON ZAC LOMAX’S RELEASE REQUEST - THIS IS WHY
"Commitment doesnt just mean competing on the field. Lomax had personal ambitions on and off the field. Theres no secret amongst the league he marches to the beat of his own drum.
He still wanted to play centre. Hes the only person in the rugby…"
1 hour ago
Poppa replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"Maybe he need's you as his Manager Randolph....about time you did something positive and good, rather than disapearing behind that BONG!
Sort of says something about you as well, going to some effort to "white ant" seems a little too familiar!"
2 hours ago
Poppa replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"Old School Eel I was identifying that when he was 21 and said at the time someone has to mentor him on the finer attributes of being idenfied as a champion......My Fair Lady Territory....education and speech.....we all knew he could dance!"
2 hours ago
Poppa replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"We have gone past that Wiz. His communication skils would make it be very difficult (people skills also fit) to be a Head coach. A talent scout or specialist fits definately within his realms."
2 hours ago
LB replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"I am also not saying De Belin should be treated differently either, like he was not found guilty. Not found innocent either but the adage is innocent til proven guilty. If it is fine for the club to bring De Belin in as a member of the club, Hayne…"
2 hours ago
Poppa replied to Eelawarra's discussion EELS COACH JASON RYLES PUSHED TO SIGN OFF ON ZAC LOMAX’S RELEASE REQUEST - THIS IS WHY
"Sorry, but I disagree with both of you in this "curates egg".
I think there is dancing around and wishful thinking and easy answers to prove points, but factually failing.
Snottie for example said DB had a bad 2024. This was the year he basically…"
2 hours ago
macybrown replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"Absolutely sickening that we can't acknowledge and nor can the nrl it's like he didn't exsist; and great point re DeBelin too! "
2 hours ago
macybrown replied to christeel's discussion J.Ryles potential new middle man
"Hey Carlo, thanks for mentioning that podcast 'Talking Parra'  Haynesy as guest appearance, I enjoyed it. Wow shame Smithy didn't get to put that young team together and have them grow and develop as a unit under him. Geez what a talented young…"
2 hours ago
LB replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Parramatta ramp up pursuit of Kangaroos star after Zac Lomax's immediate exit from NRL
"Yeah i get a lot of players are jumping now hoping even just one year of a big pay cheque happens. I don't think Lomax would care if it went longer than a season or two, if he can get reported $1.7 mil a year, so $3.4 mil over 2 years and get out…"
3 hours ago
LB replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Parramatta ramp up pursuit of Kangaroos star after Zac Lomax's immediate exit from NRL
"Yeah true, bit like how Isaac Moses when banned sat in the room of one of his associates and told them what to say mid call."
3 hours ago
LB replied to Cumberland Eel's discussion Parramatta ramp up pursuit of Kangaroos star after Zac Lomax's immediate exit from NRL
"More so Japan as their season ends before R360 begins i believe."
3 hours ago
More…

NAS Not Saying No

https://www.zerotackle.com/nas-discusses-potential-eels-move-228804/?utm_campaign=Zero+Tackle&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter"The 29-year-old admitted he's uncertain whether his next chapter will be in the NRL, rugby union, or even away from…

Read more…
1 Reply · Reply by Coryn Hughes on Thursday
Views: 287

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>