Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Gucci replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"Knights are top 4, they arent a push over squad..."
1 hour ago
Desieels replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"This is who we are. We'll always be proud, no matter the result. Bloody hell. We're losing to Newcastle. What's wrong with you all? No doubt we're a hopeless rubbish team. Same crap every weekend. And we have to be proud of it. Good effort doesn't…"
1 hour ago
TolEllts replied to Blue Eel's discussion Should we be concerned !
"Nice question. Wanting to hear the asnwer for that."
2 hours ago
TolEllts replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"Joash should stop as if he is playing backyard footy. His no look passes had caused us some games. His trying to milk a penalty for a 'strip' is very amateurist. He's given his all but need to clean up these errors and actions. It was a game we…"
2 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"Thought Edwards was good at dummy half"
2 hours ago
Mallee57 replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"Agree, thought they played well considering the injuries and continual swapping and changing of players some out of position. They had the game won except for some really costly errors, poor passing and frantic play especially in the early 2nd half.…"
2 hours ago
JC replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"At this point i think smith is the more reliable steady dummy half, tds has more skill and will eventually be the guy but he is a bit rocks and diamonds at the moment and could do with a spell in reserve grade to work on his concentration and…"
3 hours ago
Longfin Eel replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"I hear what you are saying, and you are right, but that sounds like what we said in the early 90s when we never expected to come close to winning games. As a club we do need to be so much better than what has been dished up this season. There has…"
3 hours ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"Both can't have a stint. I don't think either need a long term stint. The more they play the better they'll be. I wouldn't say Smith is having 2nd year syndrome as much as that sternum injury would have limited him a lot."
3 hours ago
Parrafan101 replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"To be honest, Smith and Dasilva need a stint. Especially Dasilva. Has all the talent in the world but needs to pick his timing comes with age and just crafting at it. Smith needs a stint , he just havinf a second year syndrome."
3 hours ago
LB replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"Listening to Ryles' presser, he talked about the Hooking position. He mentioned Edwards was brought to the club as he can play dummy half as well as in the middle. But he also said Edwards allows Hookers to develop and play more mins in cup. So does…"
3 hours ago
Joel K replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"I'm proud of the effort, not proud of the basics that we get wrong every week
and I hate how we push passes on 1st and 2nd tackle, that Williams attempted offload when we where in the red zone on 2nd tackle killed me"
4 hours ago
Darren Munro replied to Blue Eel's discussion Should we be concerned !
"100% correct. The roster isn't good enough and they know it. Furthermore there's not a damn thing they can do about it. They can not close the deal. They need a deal marker. One would think ryles would have contacts in union to find some outside…"
4 hours ago
Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst replied to Parra-all-the-way's discussion One proud fan
"All we ask is for them to compete, but there comes a time where competing just doesn't cut it."
4 hours ago
EA replied to Roy tannous's discussion What could of been💔
"Should we still get Burton lol "
4 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin replied to Roy tannous's discussion What could of been💔
"Looking at the replay, I agree with other,  there was no need for Russell to be so flat. He could have been 3m behind and still scored.   Joash has thrown a few forward in 26 also"
4 hours ago
More…

Remember Rodney Hogg

Rodney was a late arrival to Test cricket at age 27. Born in Victoria he was overlooked by state selectors and moved to Adelaide to find an earlier path to Shield.He was selected and within a year he was noticed by Alan Davidson who mentioned his…

Read more…
6 Replies · Reply by Poppa on Wednesday
Views: 232

 

Need for Speed

Here we go again after another loss and once again it's evident we need speed and quality players in our backline. The game in 2026 relies on scramble defence from your outside backs and edges who also need to have the strike to finish opportunities…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 24

Vegas

I'm seriously thinking about it. Packages arent too bad either at NRL.com. Anybody else, all us one eyed eel fans could meet at a depressing dive bar there and feel right at home

Read more…
4 Replies · Reply by LB 6 hours ago
Views: 158

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>