Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Hell On Eels replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Another one
"I hope May's litigation action is successful. 
It's interesting May's comes right after Iongi's. They used to be neighbours, years ago.
 "
9 minutes ago
Blue Eel replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Another one
"Interesting Randy, you actually have intimidation, harassment and or humiliate laws in the realm of stalking/intimidation laws. Photos can come under that, you may also have defamation if the smoking is intended to portray smoking dope when it's…"
38 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"Two words Lateral Agility the fowards we had were North South players we wanted to play a dominant middle 1/3 style and our roster especially our middles reflected that.
Coaching philosophy is what it was and the stats can say whatever they like but…"
47 minutes ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Johnny Suede's discussion Eels demand the NRL hand over all information relating to its involvement in the Lomax saga
"Balls, Brains, Guts  and Spine....keep this up and soon we'll be a real boy"
1 hour ago
Hell On Eels replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"Absolutely, Mitchy. Pay, Dymock, Smith, McCracken—The Big Four—added class and steel. And without the SL war, they don't happen for us. IMO, without Walsh, who saved more tries than he scored, the Broncos probably don't win the 2025 GF."
1 hour ago
playthedoors replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Another one
"This is good for Iongi. May a far more high profile player; portaryed as 'violated', will hog the headlines and the NRL will need to be fair to he and Iongi when assessing any potential NRL sanctions. "
1 hour ago
Mitchy replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"Agreed, I also think when B Smith had that team in the 98 era (Pay / McCracken / Smith / Dymock) plus some others we had the steel; it was when they left for me that we softened a tad. I was at the minor semi againts Norths at Parra when we belted…"
1 hour ago
Hell On Eels replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"Mitchy, for as long as I've watched the Eels over 46 years, outside the amazing 80s, I felt we had a soft underbelly that would crack when enough of a "blow torch" was applied.
Ryles has given me hope that maybe, just maybe, (can I say maybe once…"
1 hour ago
Mitchy replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"What is interesting here for me is that the 2001, 2009 and 2022 GF all had some form of similarity where our defence let us down with some soft tries and you could say particualrly 22 and 01 that we were gone by half time. I was at both 2001 and…"
1 hour ago
Hell On Eels replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"For me, the poor edge defence and compressed inside was a consistent issue. From 2020-24, defence regressed each year from 3rd to 16th (14.4 to 29.8pg conceded). A 5-year slide.
A culture and systems issue.
BA did some good things: consistent finals…"
1 hour ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Parramatta, NRL to investigate images of rising Eels star
"Receipt at bottom right shows Accor hotel slip for a 1 night "stone'n'bone" "
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"Always so we weren't near the top in the comp defensively 19-20 cmon son BAs still got you owned 2 years plus down the track."
1 hour ago
Mitchy replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"If I may, B Smith 2001 ( and he should have had at least one win), Ando 09 and BA 22......"
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"Glad you bought up South Sydney and that finals game who got suspended for PeDs again 48 hours from the finals that's the real ass ripping and funny you say Souths as I think you'll find they ripped just about everyone a new one over that period.…"
1 hour ago
Randy Handlinger replied to SuperEel 22's discussion Parramatta, NRL to investigate images of rising Eels star
"Astral travel usually involves looking down, at least it did for me. A few times, all by accident. DMT for the win!!! Just beware the Machine-elves. They won't hurt you but they're freaky little busy fuckers.
Edibles are cannabis in a form you can…"
1 hour ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Rabz S's discussion Official: Parramatta Eels upgrade Teancum Brown
"That's what a good coach does though chief you put a player in the best position to succeed and the mentioned did that and became the best winger and ball runner in the nrl.We got anyone else in that realm since Grothe Snr ?
 "
1 hour ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2118

 

Eels interested in Barnett

Parramatta are interested in Mitch Barnett. Now at 33 in 2027 and coming off ACL, good idea? Having Paulo and De Belin being 34 and 36 respectively is it good to have that much age? Ryles wants a Paulo replacement that can lead the forwards, Barnett…

Read more…
83 Replies · Reply by Poppa 16 hours ago
Views: 1840

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>