Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

D_STOFFBERG replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"when he's healthy Hopgood should be promoted to captain.
the reason Mitch plays better in Origin and rep games is because the pressure is not on him to make 'team based' decisions  he can focus on his position on the field 
Hoppy capatained the…"
10 minutes ago
Parrafan101 replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"We should have started him round 1, just like we did with Dyl Brown. We would have been building combos for the next couple of seasons. "
21 minutes ago
Bubba j replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"Hope he kills it if you are old enough you are good enough then maybe we can sunset the Pezet experiment it is a complete failure "
37 minutes ago
EA replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"Yep Pezet defence may be even worse. Renzo reads is good. Sometimes he can just struggle to hit and stick since he is still young. "
43 minutes ago
RB replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"Rockets out of the line and puts shots on. Not sure about his reads though, but wouldn't worry about size"
45 minutes ago
RB replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"Good point + he's not that young. I think he's 20 odd. Not a teenager"
46 minutes ago
HH - Love You Iongi Time! replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"Eat a bag of dicks Gough"
49 minutes ago
RB replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"I've watched the likes of Cameron smith and harry grant + numerous other winge to refferees for years and not a single word was ever said. Maybe if he's getting so much backlash from Moses it's because his ability to do his job is horrible."
50 minutes ago
macybrown replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"I'd love to know why the bunker doesn't step in at the moment! Always wonder this.
recall a game few years back v raiders with Atkins reffing and in the bunker think it was Belinda (maybe Klein)and she brought the game back to our end of field coz…"
53 minutes ago
Hell On Eels replied to Hell On Eels's discussion We Don’t Lose Games in Moments. We Lose Them in Minutes.
"Thanks everyone for making some insightful comments and replies. We are short in the middle and getting outmuscled. And still outscored them 4-3 tries.
We've used the most players of any club, in injury crisis, and that's usually a death sentence.…"
58 minutes ago
LB replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"Though EA, way I see it is if his defence is a problem, well what's the difference with Pezet?
I think, at least v Titans you could get away with it for a week or two."
58 minutes ago
macybrown replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"He is pretty much laying out the welcome mat, beers and snacks!
...for what??
our players are out thru illegal tackles ffs! Thems the rules no need to butter it up to help the out n out cheats! It's like saying treat us like shit is ok at end of day…"
1 hour ago
macybrown replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"Thanks that is Interesting! Mitch knows the rules and of course gets frustrated getting knocked back on his right to challenge not the first time either!
mitch is a Fckn human and perhaps there's only so much one can take!
it started with Hopgood in…"
1 hour ago
Gucci replied to Mr 'BringBackFitzy' Analyst's discussion NRL issue warning to Moses
"This was a fucken joke of a call. Letter of the law is that if Williams second effort dives over will be reviewed by the bunker. All tries are. They will see his ball playing arm touched the floor while a defender had a hand on him. THIS CONSTITUES…"
1 hour ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin🐐 - Mark O'neill's Sack ! replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"Hows his defence? He's pretty small Jai Gray type player, or maybe a Nikorema.  Is his best position 6??
 "
1 hour ago
Michael W. replied to Eli Stephens's discussion Lorenzo to debut.
"I reckon TBA will get a few debuts this week."
1 hour ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2277

 

The Club and Foul Play Injuries.

 Parramatta’s Injury Crisis Exposes an NRL Salary Cap Grey AreaThe 2026 season is quickly turning into a case study in how bad luck, foul play, and rigid rules can collid, and no club is feeling it more than us,the Parramatta Eels.A growing injury…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 20

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>