Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

LB replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Tupou as well."
54 seconds ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"I always saw his value was his versatility but something has clicked with him and he now looks like a legit starting nrl quality centre.
He looks bigger faster and more physical as above something has definitely clicked for him and he'll be a loss…"
4 minutes ago
RB replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Yeah I think that's the problem"
21 minutes ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"The only players I could see not out there for the Roosters was Radley whose suspended and Robert Koia there SoO centre outside of that they were pretty much full strength."
2 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Not to much to worry about winning preseason as long as we have a game to win down in Melbourne that's all that matters."
2 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"There is no way in the world Ryley Smith isn't resigned.
Hes everything at hooker for us right now #1 by a mile.
TDS has 4 yrs but I'm still locking Smith away no chance in hell I let him leave I think that's a grave mistake.If TDS is to improve…"
2 hours ago
Coryn Hughes replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Want to see more but I'm in no rush to put him up just let him keep growing he's locked in now it's just a matter of getting him battle tested in reserve grade and then give him a shot next year.Sounds like he's the leading contender since we have…"
2 hours ago
Adam Magrath replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"I've always been a big supporter of Sean Russell and it's coming to fruition now, shame he is leaving. I attribute much of it to our coaching staff, I mean look at our entire squad across the park everyone is performing very well."
2 hours ago
paul taylor replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Wait till they see him actually run .  That's his strength not his kicking game.  His POD to joash because he runs right to the line and then the late feet and lightening acceleration . Would have him take the line on once other than kick . But he…"
2 hours ago
Richard B'Stard replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"A lot of people are saying he's our best line runner."
4 hours ago
EA replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Kelly needs to work on his passes/offloads. He was lucky that the ref didn't call a couple of his forward."
5 hours ago
fake midget pseudoachondroplasia replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Our depth is what impressed me most and competition for positions will keep all players focused.  We have players capable of filling in when needed and no longer have to fear an Asi or Morgan type player stepping up to ruin any chance of a win.
We…"
5 hours ago
LB replied to Acme's discussion Another Matterson Concussion
"Yeah medical retirement. $600k now in the cap.
Perhaps this was final straw and thought this would be last year anyway as no other clubs showing interest."
5 hours ago
KENDOZA replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Thought papalili looked sharp. Pezet atm is behind him"
6 hours ago
Alfred Mateo replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"Anyone else thinking the dirty, cheating storm f/wits deliberately lost that by 30? The equation for Titans to win the preseason comp going into that game was they needed to win by 29+"
6 hours ago
EA replied to Blue Eel's discussion Trial #2, Game Day Blog v Roosters
"4th dot point from the bottom."
6 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2095

 

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>