Jokes Section - ADULTS ONLY

A man asks the aged Reverend what are the chances he’ll get to heaven when he dies, and the Reverend says that there is a good chance but first he’ll have to clean up his life, i.e. no smoking, no booze and certainly no he should control

his apparent out of control sexual urge . So the man thought he’d at least give it a try and all went well for a few days, but then….. ‘T’raaaaan’…. there was his wife bent U shape right in the freezer, and he couldn’t help tearing off her bloomers and giving her a doggy turn. He felt guilty about it afterwards and called back in and told the Reverend .The aged Reverend said, “Don’t worry my son, one now and then won’t hurt your future in heaven.” To which the man replied, “Oh thank goodness for that, that’s great news ‘cause now we’re both banned from Harvey Norman Stores "

 

You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!

Join 1Eyed Eel

Votes: 0
Email me when people reply –

Replies

                    • 10947705489?profile=RESIZE_584x

                    • Agreed Tad . Without a rare suitable substitute, I don't think it possible to give up any serious addiction when suffering severe depression. 

                    • Actually that bloke looks pretty fit to me Snakey....Do Snakes become blurry when you slither around all the time?

                      Tad my cigarette cost's are ameliarated by my rolling my own tobacco.....I have a litttle machine that does the rolling and it keeps my hands occupied between drinking and placing bets. Say 4 bottles of wine a week is $30 and my tobacco and ancillories probably 10/20 a week. I don't real account for it like that just the same....a bottle of Frangelica is $35 and lasts a couple of weeks.

                      PS I only gamble on Saturday's not Tuesdays.

                      The problems with expenses for some people is based on the addictive aspects, you and Driza refer to i.e. do it every day, you will kill yourself, do it in a controlled way and you can look forward and enjoy it.

                      Every and Anything is a bore if it becomes too repititious.

                      NB My fridge (alfresco) is always full of Grog and food as we entertain someone every Tuesday and on many weekends.eg Sir Col used to come on the occasional Tuesday, in the early days with Drop Bear and even Doc (Rider) came once but I dont think he approved of all the alcohol.....I have issued an open invitation to Brissy Eel but he hasn't taken it up yet. I think he will!

                      On Tuesday afternoons we have the nursing home participants (there is no actual nursing home) and then link up with Slug and Doctor Wong in the national phone hook up, Slug being in Sydney and Wongy in Woolgoolga (Coffs Area),

                       Its not a hard life, IEE give's me a nice outlet and I still have my "mancave business" which I run soley 4 days a week.

                    • 4 bottles is a bit high Pops.

                      A pipe is a much better self-image and there is always a good substitute for alcohol10948647493?profile=RESIZE_930x

                       

                    • I am not that worried about self image Tad, if people cant take me with my external image, then bad luck.

                      4 Bottles a week is not much, my doctor said it was good for me, he has a couple of whiskies every night he tells me.

                    • I reckon if you enjoy it no worries pops. The negative impact on health from alcohol tends to get a bit over exaggerated as long as you aren't drinking so much it effects the liver or you drink so much as that the calory impact becomes an issue particularly beer. The main thing to do is have days without drinking like you are doing. I drink a bit not as much as I used to mind you but l find it relaxes me. 

                    • Michael my poor Dad died at 59 from liver issues using alcohol as medication for depression in the days when depression illness was not on the medical agenda. Lots of issues now being discussed in Northern Territory about restricting alcohol usage as medication. I doubt it will work. Not sure how they will address this stuff successfully

                      I admire people like Driza and others who have managed to overcome an addiction. It is difficult for people to accept they have addictions.That is the first and most difficult part of the process.

                      As part of my job many years ago I tried to refer people to AA. Heart breaking stories. Some absolutely incredible people work in AA who understand perfectly the hardships people go through which affects relationships in many people connected with these types of addictions. 

                      Thanks for hearing me out Pops.I have crashed out a few friends in my lifetime for my interference in their affairs.

                      I often talk about people who do things for money even when they have a lot. People in AA and other similar organisations do this work as volunteers. Gods gift to those in hardships 

                    • 10948702458?profile=RESIZE_400x

                    • LOL . Look what 2 bottles of wine each week does . Too late for Poppa to get glasses - he is totally blind . 

                    • Very sorry to hear that. Yes for some it is an issue or an addiction that overwhelmes I don't deny that. The way pops describes his drinking though it seems it is something that he enjoys and manages. Like me he drinks to help enjoy himself not to combat depression or negative thoughts. If you drink to feel better or ''normal' then it's a problem. I identified I was doing that for a while in my own life so I stopped drinking completely for a while and only resumed when I knew my life was on track and I'd be drinking to elevate an already happy enough mood. 

This reply was deleted.

Latest comments

Perpetual Motion replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Still a big boy. With a big motor."
21 minutes ago
Acme replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Forgot about Boodsey!
Do we still have one or two top 30 spots available? We may be forced to make a deal if we get a serious injury"
1 hour ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"He will surpise you with his ball playing with other forwards. As I just said a quick short ball at the line while looking to play out the back. He did it very well a few times in NSW Cup last yer,"
1 hour ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Ye. Well Coinakis did the NRL preseason till December break before returning to JF which is where he will start the year. Ideally he would be our 3rd choice hooker next year as he should progress to NSW cup at some point this year. But we still need…"
1 hour ago
Acme replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Ha! I sincerely hope that switching Hopgood between prop and hooker is not the back up plan!
We had Lussick and Hands in 2024 so having Smith and Da Silva now maybe feels like we have more depth, but we don't, just better quality players. It was a…"
2 hours ago
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"I think Ryles is taking last year's slow start into consideration.  Our first few rounds seemed like we lacked match fitness.   "
2 hours ago
Stevo replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Depends on whether he can own the position and keep up, he's defiently got huge potential 
 "
3 hours ago
Stevo replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Its hard for some to focus on the positives mate. I think they all forget that this is only our first trial of 2026 and as per every other year we always field a team full of youngsters and a sprinkle of 1st graders 
 "
3 hours ago
Blue Eel replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"yeah thanks guys, I was surprised, i just don't see him ball playing like a walker, Hopgood, DeBellin, etc. That surprised me. Mind you none are as good as Walker at it, from lock."
4 hours ago
Clintorian replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Twiddle has more upside being able to play wing, FB and 5/8, so I'd have him on the wings in NSW Cup over Tago. "
4 hours ago
Clintorian replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Not a fan at lock, he runs a good line and makes a good mobile prop, but I've never seen him play lock, so who knows?"
4 hours ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"I agree but from my understanding he has only trained at fullback for the past 2 years so not sure if the club are considering to explore his utlity value."
4 hours ago
EA replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"I feel that people have been so focused on our shortage in the outside backs that they have not realised that our depth at dummy half is arguably even worse."
4 hours ago
Hector Bob Down replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Yep me to"
4 hours ago
Randy Handlinger replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"C'mon Joash, Bring that energy but show us what you've learned buddy.
My hopes aren't super high and I don't know why, but I really want to see the kid succeed"
4 hours ago
Hector Bob Down replied to Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐's discussion 1st teams list v sharks
"Next Sunday "
4 hours ago
More…

Keaon done deal

As of Thursday, December 11, 2025, South Sydney Rabbitohs forwardKeaon Koloamatangi has reportedly agreed to a deal with the Parramatta Eels, but it is not yet officially announced by the clubs.  Soon to be announced.

Read more…
14 Replies · Reply by Poppa Jan 9
Views: 2051

ANY MORE SIGNINGS???

I've been frustrated recently about the work we have been doing in the open market. Jonah's alright for a year and JDB is solid but he's getting old. I feel we need more in the forwards and some a replacement outside back. All I have seen is links…

Read more…
0 Replies
Views: 324

 

Vale Vince Fawcett

I seem to remember him always being on the verge of becoming one of the great UK exports, had a bit of a cult following with Eels fans too.Am I right that he had a blinder for the Eels against GB one night busting the line and scoring a runaway…

Read more…
1 Reply · Reply by KENDOZA yesterday
Views: 374

<script src="https://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/js/adsbygoogle.js"></script>
<!-- Sidebar -->
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<script>// <![CDATA[
(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});
// ]]></script>