Me: Well, I'm excited that I have finally secured an interview with a passionate eels supporter, the man on the hill. How are ya?
Man on the Hill: How the (bleep) you think I'm doing? I'm bored shitless with the (bleep) cricket. Jesus on a paddle pop stick. Seriously, even an under 12 could've (bleep) beaten those (bleep) Sri Lankans.
Me: Hey, footy is only around the corner so you must excited?
MOTH: I'll be more (bleep) excited when I get get this (bleep) wooden (bleep) spoon taken out from my (bleep) anus.
Me: Uh...you had since the Grand Final to have that removed?
MOTH: Well...it was...well...kinda comforting...especially when you're having a dump. King (bleep) Kong would've loved it. Bit hard to get that first pain but hey, like that (bleep) said to me in Kings Cross before I got the crabs off her "the foreskin doesn't hurt"...or was it a him that I screwed...(bleep) trannyis look all the same to me...she did have a mo to begin with, maybe that explains the hairy chest...
Me: uhhhh okay then...moving on...so, how you do see this season going to go for Parra?
MOTH: Dunno (slurps his Fosters then lets out a belch) better out then in, eh? Yeah, reckon we'll do (bleep) okay. Reckon we'll make past 14th, maybe 13th? (slurps his Fosters then proceeds to scratch his bum before smelling his finger) smells like that (bleep) curry I had (bleep) last night...dunno, had a chat with me (bleep) mate last night about this season, yeah? He (bleep) reckons that (bleep bleep) BA will be sacked 'fore the year is over and reckons that Jack Shitt take over.
Me: Who?
MOTH: Jack Shitt. He used to be our coach in volleyball back in our young days. Man, he can (bleep) coach. Mate, that (bleep) can (bleep) coach. He was a great (bleep) of a (bleep) coach. Used ta (bleep) the (bleep) cheerleaders (bleep) silly. Ride them like a (bleep) cowboy he did
Me: You swear a lot?
MOTH: Go and (bleep) your self you (bleep) goat (bleep)er I can (bleep) swear if I (bleep) want to you (bleep bleep) Now me (bleep) beer is empty. Git us another one you (bleep) fore I (bleep) punch ya (bleep) silly.
Me: Yeah okay then...so, ummm..who'll be our best player this year?
MOTH: (Bleep) if I (bleep) know...where's me (bleep) beer (bleep)?
Me: I have no idea where this interview is going...
MOTH: You know I was there with Haynesy shagged that (bleep)?
Me: You were?
MOTH: Yeah, I was (bleep) cheering him on, mate. Few lines of the old (bleep) marching powder up our noses and off he (bleep) went like old Mother Hubburb's dog when she bent over. In like Flynn he...
Me: okay, okay, that's enough...you had too much...
MOTH: (Bleep) off you hairy arsed (bleep) what are ya, a (bleep) hippie or a poof. Bet ya (bleep) married your (bleep) boyfriend, didn't ya, ya big (bleep) poof? Git us another one 'fore I (bleep) smash yah!
Me: Hey, hey, hey calm down...hey, put that hammer down...no not my-
INTERVIEW TERMINATED WHEN M.O.T.H. SMASHED TAPE RECORDER....
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