Eels Blogs

It was early afternoon as I rode toward the north in search of enlightenment. Arriving at my destination, I dismounted and walked toward the timber gates, rang the bell and waited.

The gate swung open and to my surprise there standing in front of me was NOT the ancient Poppa whom I was searching for, but the beautiful young Matron who looked after the facility.

“May I ask your name?” she said, “Rider” I replied.

With that she stepped to the side and I warily entered.

I proceeded to walk through the facility, with reminders of who I was visiting everywhere. Empty sedative bottles lay on the ground and sat on table tops; I was getting closer.

The door slid back and from behind a cloud of smoke stood a short man, withered with age, smoking a pipe and grinning as though I was the first course of an expensive meal.

“Come in my boy, you must be Rider?” he croaked. “Come out here and meet the gang.”

With that he ushered me to a room with a table in the centre. At the table sat a man who was introduced to me as The Chairman, next to him sat Poppa and on the table sat an Eye, he had no body or head and spoke as though we weren’t even there. Not stopping except to exchange pleasantries with his best mate in the world, Old Poppa.

I sat there, taking in the view; wondering what the hell I’d got myself into. I was offered a glass of sedative; however I declined knowing I’d need to keep my wits about me.

After a few minutes explaining my previous name changes, the conversation stopped and all heads turned towards the door. It was the Matron, wheeling in a wrinkled old man who appeared to have tourettes.  Could this be Sir Col? Where the rumours true? Could a man live to 150 years of age and still function? Well just to the right of me was the answer, yes.

He was seated at the table, given a glass of sedative and the meeting was called to order. Unfortunately it was called by the Eye and Poppa simultaneously, forgetting the Chairman had the floor and comparing whos dick was still functioning.

By the 2hr mark the sedatives had started kicking in, the volume increased, we all felt very knowledgeable and common sense had taken over.

Discussions covered Parramatta, Salary Cap, Nrl board vs Clubs, TV deals, rules and refs, coaches, judiciary inconsistencies and even wandered to child discipline and other areas before being brought back on track.

During the discussion the only people who actually made any sense where the Matron and The Chairman. The Eye and Poppa argued and continued their love affair with each other, while Sir Col sat paralytic in his chair drooling from the corner of his mouth.

Some of the more important points covered where The forward pass rule: Sir Col suggested that if the catcher of a ball is in front of the passer then this is a forward pass. The Bunker: They should be able to make a call at any stage in the game, esp if assisted by technology ie a line across the screen showing offside etc. If not then scrap the bunker and go back to Refs making the call even if its not always right. Replays: Cut down super slow replays to 2 so the fans don’t get to see whether theres a blade of grass touching the ball.

3hrs in and as we continued to argue/discuss, Sir Col, who had obviously had more than his prescribed dose of sedative, was wheeled back to his room.

 A storm came across from the south, turning the conversation to the possibility of hail and while the gate was opened to see the severity of the storm, I saw my chance of escape. With a bolt of lightning and clap of thunder I made a run to my Black Unicorn, jumping into the saddle we galloped off down the road at speed, not game to look back.

I sit here now wondering what may have become of me, if Id accepted that first glass of sedative and whether Id have ever seen my family again. The Nursing Home had its good points, the Matron, The Chairman, ….. Well that’s about it really.

One day Ill return, but Im not sure when. It made me feel young but whats the good of feeling young when you are confined to a Home that you know you cant escape from.