Eels Blogs

My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly." So said Winston Churchill to Lady Astor when she called him disgustingly drunk. I don’t want to encourage alcoholism or anything, but we may all need a stiff drink watching the game against the Storm. It could get ugly, but at least we will be sober the next day, while the Eels …? Well either another false dawn or still ugly. Yes, a little cynical, though as Jeff Bridges once said, cynics are really crushed romantics, their cynicism protecting that part of their heart still hopelessly holding onto hope. We can push that analogy further, because in The Big Lebowski (1998) Bridges played ‘The Dude’, who is a deadbeat stoner mistaken for a more serious and famous person. Have we been mistaking the Eels for a more serious and famous footy team, like the Eels of the 1980’s, or the Storm in our era? Or will the Eels surprise us all, and maybe themselves, and come out of their stupor to dig hope from cynicism? Remember, the underlying story of The Big Lebowski was the way The Dude kept his composure despite crazy circumstances. Mistaken for another Lebowski, he is tortured by hitman, has his rug pissed on, his car set aflame, is abused for his seed by his love interest, and offered fortune only to end up with nothing. But The Dude Abides, pouring another White Russian, having a toke, taking a bath, and focusing on the big picture. It’s big picture time Eels, so who will you be, a calm Dude in the face of the Storm and The Big Relocation, or Churchill being a disappointing a***hat? Welcome to Round 24.

NOTE: it was HOE’s turn last week, but the trauma of successive thrashings affected his form. Please send him your best wishes, like ‘suck it up buttercup’ or ‘how dare you forget to steal 20 minutes of my life I can never get back’. HOE is also unavailable this week, so you are stuck with my lack of graphical ability.

Teams

Saturday 28 August, Suncorp Stadium, Brisvegas 7:35pm (AEDT). Referee: Gerard Sutton.

Eels: 1. Clinton Gutherson 2. Haze Dunster 3. Viliami Penisini 4. Waqa Blake 5. Blake Ferguson 6. Dylan Brown 7. Mitchell Moses 8. Isaiah Papali’i 9. Joey Lussick 10. Junior Paulo 11. Shaun Lane 12. Marata Niukore 13. Nathan Brown 14. Ray Stone 15. Bryce Cartwright 16. Makahesi Makatoa 17. Keegan Hipgrave 18. Will Smith 19. Oregon Kaufusi 20. Sean Russell 21. Jakob Arthur

Head coach: Brad Gort Arthur

Storm: 1. Ryan Papenhuyzen 2. Dean Ieremia 3. Reimis Smith 4. Justin Olam 5. Josh Addo-Carr 6. Cameron Munster 7. Jahrome Hughes 8. Jesse Bromwich 9. Brandon Smith 10. Christian Welch 11. Felise Kaufusi 12. Kenneath Bromwich 13. Chris Lewis 14. Harry Grant 15. Aaron Pene 16. Tom Eisenhuth 17. Nicholas Hynes 18. Tui Kamikamica 19. Isaac Lumelume 20. Tepai Moeroa 21. Marion Seve

Head coach: Bellyache

Notes: Maika Sivo (knee) is unable to amble slowly into the defensive line until next year, with Blake Ferguson back to push for a new contract. RCG and Matto are still out, and the great energizer bunny (Papali’i) and Wrong Lane Shaun are still in, with the bench a pack of hard workers (Stone, Makatoa, and Hipgrave) – essential against a Storm team that will push for 50 – plus Cartwright’s 5 minutes. For the Storm, they’re not resting stars until the final round, so Jahrome Hughes (concussion), Justin Olam and Brandon Smith all return. Papenhuyzen and Nicho Hynes swap positions, and we can expect Hynes and Harry Grant to try to wreak havoc late in the halves. Small mercies include Nelson Asofa-Solomona (hamstring) and Dale Finucane (concussion) both out. 

Observations from Last Week

Eels (vs Cowboys), 32-16 (W), 49% possession, 70% completion rate, 5 line breaks, 37 tackle breaks, 8 offloads, 25 missed tackles, 25 ineffective tackles, 15 errors, 4 penalties conceded, 0 ruck infringements.

Storm (vs Titans), 34-20 (W), 53% possession, 73% completion rate, 9 line breaks, 36 tackle breaks, 8 offloads, 19 missed tackles, 7 ineffective tackles, 11 errors, 1 penalties conceded, 3 ruck infringements.

Eels/Cowboys extended highlights HERE.

Storm/Titans extended highlights HERE.

Last week’s games were like two possible perspectives on Cole’s abilities in The Sixth Sense (1999). As Cole famously said, “I can see dead people”. To Cole, this is somewhat surprising, but he is only a kid, so he rolls with it and starts solving mysteries with the aid of the information the dead can supply him. Similarly, it was somewhat surprising to see the Eels trounce the Cowboys, but we also kind of expected them to just take on board the information that they were playing like sh*t and do something about it. Some mysteries were resolved, including how can the Eels score without kicking (have your halves and outside backs run at gaps not defenders) and how can the Eels defend the edges (slide out and use the sideline). For the Storm, they are like the dead people in The Sixth Sense. They are completely unaware there is any problem and just go about their business. The Titans were barely in their way despite taking a 16-12 half-time lead.

If we are all lucky, though, the Storm will this week be like Malcolm, the child psychiatrist talking to Cole throughout the movie about Cole’s abilities and troubles. Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert! Malcolm is dead and has been since the opening scenes of the movie. Malcolm is shocked to realize at the end of the movie that he is in fact dead. I do not wish death on the Storm except for on the scoreboard. If the Storm lose, which is more likely than the Eels winning, if you know what I mean, it will be akin to Malcolm’s shock at discovering his mortality. They say truth is stranger than fiction but this week we need fiction to be stranger than truth.

This better not be magic round, Eels

Like he who shall not be named from Harry Potter, the ghost of Magic Round from 2019 haunts Eels fans with every match against the Storm. The score was frak-me-blank versus blank. Finals games between the two teams have followed a similar if not quite so diabolical path, though the Eels’ false dawn peaked earlier this season in Round 2 when the Eels defeated the Storm 16–12. Every single one of us would take that score again. Of course, we are both afraid and yet bizarrely hopeful. Though I am not a gambler, I was tempted after my older brother asked if I was going to put some money on the Eels just because the odds are 9-1? Is it just me?

With HOE out of commission this week, I lack my trusty partner to produce the statistical tables. So, let’s play a guessing game. First prize is some useless freedom Gladys will reveal upon the 2000’th case per day mark being reached, because that sh*t just makes perfect f***ing sense, right?

Which one of the images above depicts the Eels’ attack?

Which one of the images above depicts the Eels’ defence out wide?

But I believe there is hope, in the following form:

The Bottom Line

One thing that was evident against the Cowboys is the Eels were prepared to move the ball to their edges from their own 40, a change in style from their typical one-out running. Their execution was not fantastic, but they nevertheless made good territory down both flanks. As every commentator points out, if a team fails to try to move the Storm about in defence, the Storm will suffocate you out of the contest. Will the Eels’ execution improve this week?

Sterlo’s review this week suggested “the Eels must get everything right”, meaning Sterlo was obviously sitting at home basking in his retirement notice and watching replays of his own squad from the 1980’s. The Eels are very unlikely to get everything right, and so will need to ice as many opportunities as they can. Most expect those opportunities to appear down the Storm right side. If a team can force Kaufusi to stay in on an inside runner or half, the Storm centre-wing combination on their right (this week Smith and Ieremia) can misread what is coming at them. The Eels need Waqa Blake to hit peak form and they need to give him more opportunities ball in hand and with some space. Waqa’s running game is simply not used enough.

The other aspect to watch is the Eels have switched Moses and DBrown. Again. Moses returned to play on the right side and DBrown to play on the left side. Moses made a long break from (his) right side to set up one try (Penisini) but also took the line on while on (DBrown’s) left side to set up another try (Lane), while DBrown … meh. Brad Arthur explained the original switch of DBrown to right side at the start of 2021 as an attempt to help DBrown’s kicking game and thus free up Moses from sole kicker duties. Moving DBrown back to the left side followed DBrown regaining his confidence with kicking (says BA). If the Storm are defensively vulnerable anywhere it is down their right edge, so will the everything-old-is-new-again left side of the Eels (Lane, DBrown, Waqa, Dunster (I think?)) be able to execute well enough to not “leave 5 tries out there”, as BA said?

Mark Twain once said, “one man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity there ain't nothing can beat teamwork.” In their various media appearances last week, the Eels’ players spoke about their troubles not being due to one player but to the whole team. If the Eels’ understanding of teamwork is to play like pork chops at a dingo party, we will see a debacle of epic Twainian proportions. But Twain knew the path out of bad teamwork too. Twain said, “the secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” Just beat these f***ers, Dear Eels, and next week is next week. Yes, the Eels’ form fell of the back of a truck destined for nowhere, but as The Dude said in The Big Lebowski, “I can’t be worrying about that sh*t. Life goes on, man.” Go Eels.