Jokes of the weeks

A mate of mine has been having sex with two twins lately.

so I ask him how does he tell them apart.

he said that's easy Angela has long straight hair and Trevor has a dick

...............................................................................................................................................

I shoved some grapes up my girl friends arse during kinky sex last night she didn't scream or anything.. she just let out a little wine

.................................................................................................................................................

Dear Dr Phil I was watching my neighbour daughter sunbaking in the nude from my bedroom window.

as I was having a wank.

I noticed my wife standing there watching me with her arms folded.

So is she a Pervert?

.........................................................................................................................................................

A 7 and a 4 year old are in there bedroom. you know what say the 7 year old

I think its time we started swearing the 4 year old think that a good idea

the 7 year old say when we go down stairs for breakfast ILL swear first then you ok

so they go down stairs and mum say to the year old what do you want for breakfast the 7 year old say

ILL have Coco pops Bitch

hes mum look at him and go WHACK the 7 year old flew of he chair crying hes eyes out and

mum look at the 4 year old and say

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST and the 4 year old say it wont be Fucking Coco Pops

Nice one Paul. Is this to become a weekly joke thread?

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

"TDS is still young, with plenty of improvement left in him. He could still play Flegg in 2026 ffs. And despite being two years younger than Ryley Smith, he has played nine more NRL games."

"HFK, Fair point. Sure, we could. But balancing incoming youth with experience is almost a perennial issue. A constant cycle. It never really goes away. At least not for too long. "

Replies

Wile E. Coyote December 20, 2016 at 9:44am

Your back
They're gold Paul
MURRKNN December 20, 2016 at 10:05am

Love it
Snakey - Sack Dylan Brown December 20, 2016 at 10:25am

Ahahahaha some quality here Pauly.
Cʜɪᴇғy Mclovin 🐐 December 20, 2016 at 10:31am

Lol.
Eel team six December 20, 2016 at 2:34pm

Nice one Paul. Is this to become a weekly joke thread?

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."
Wizardssleeves official receipts December 20, 2016 at 2:42pm

Little Johnny asked his mother the following question:
"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" Sheila looks at Johnny and replies;
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
Little Johnny thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
Bruce looks at his son in surprise and says," Look mate, all household appliances come in white."
- Bart > Wizardssleeves official receipts December 21, 2016 at 8:49am
  
  Classic.....I must of got one of those cheap Westinghouse type appliances that break down after 12 months then
Wizardssleeves official receipts December 20, 2016 at 2:43pm

Bruce to his mate Robbo: someone stole all my credit cards last month.
Robbo replies; did you report it to the cops?
Bruce: no way mate! The thief is spending a lot less than my missus did!
Wizardssleeves official receipts December 20, 2016 at 2:44pm

A muslim was sitting next to Bruce on a plane.
The stewardess came and asked what would you like to drink. Bruce said: give us a XXXX mate!
Then the stewardess asked the muslim if he'd like a drink.
He replied in disgust: 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let alcohol touch my lips!'
Bruce handed his beer back & said: 'Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!'
Wizardssleeves official receipts December 20, 2016 at 2:45pm

Bruce calls Qantas to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?'
Bruce replies; 'How the bloody hell would I know! It's your f***ing plane!!'

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