FDA: They call it 'media training'. I call it bullshit

The publicity people at Parramatta made me do a full day’s media training after the whole “Blame Hayne” fiasco the other week.Fucking journalists. Anyway, that’s it. I’ve been told to just keep on nodding and smiling. They rolled out old tapes of Maestro Hagan’s press conferences when he was at the Eels. Apparently, Hagan studied the evil arts, so they reckon he was the master. I had to sit through a good hour of him repeatedly saying “I don’t think we’re far off our best form” and “I’m confident a return to form is just around the corner”.I couldn’t quite tell if he actually believed it or was just feeding the press the right lines. The PR chickies reckon he was playing the press but if you look at where he finished that year I reckon the players were playing him. But that’s another story for another time.Anyway, so I think it's all bullshit but I'm going to do my best to keep out of the press this week, hence why there are no big changes to the named line-up for the Cowboys match. Last thing I want on my plate is why did you drop this player, are you having a spit with that player. So it’s steady as she goes until Monday about 6pm. Takes me back to the old Smithy days.And I swear if that rat bag reporter on this goddamn site reveals my team changes again, I’m going to send Manase out after him.Oh, and I just wanted Sinbad to know that I value his constructive criticism, well thought out and eloquently expressed analysis of my efforts. And they reckon I’m known to blow a fuse!

Dear Mr. Anderson
As a former media GURU may I be permitted to pass along some points that may assist you.

Therin lies your 1st lesson - learn to suk not blow. The media love a good sukker.

When confronted with questions you do not wish to answer - look vaguely around you in deep contemplation - then allow a small smile (do you know what a smile is?) to cross your face and then say - "Each member of the team is an individual and I respect that. With the dynamics within our structure it is unfortunate that at times decisions must be made that are sometimes seen to be a bit harsh"

When being interviewed on ABC or SBS always use words like - therfore - not withstanding the fact - and however.
Of course the great standby of staring at the interviewer with open amazement and saying - "I can't believe you would bring that up again - we've moved on since then." will always win the people over to your side.

But never- never - never tell the truth about anything - It could destroy you.
When all else fails remember the GURU is here to help you (but not for too much longer)

"...and this is hands down the best alien movie ever made and reflects many of the views expressed in this blog
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x9kxgvo"

"That plot sounds very much like the plot from one of the best Sci Fi alien movies ever made. If you watch this, it is deep on many levels, including the earthly name of the alien and what happens to him.…"

Replies

ŦōmMýþØΨ-Parra Till I Die! July 6, 2010 at 11:58pm

Another humorous segment! Keep up the good work.
Hugh July 7, 2010 at 12:08am

bahahah! Love it!
Mainey July 7, 2010 at 5:45am

These are hilarious!! :D
Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" July 7, 2010 at 10:02am

Dear Mr. Anderson
As a former media GURU may I be permitted to pass along some points that may assist you.

Therin lies your 1st lesson - learn to suk not blow. The media love a good sukker.

When confronted with questions you do not wish to answer - look vaguely around you in deep contemplation - then allow a small smile (do you know what a smile is?) to cross your face and then say - "Each member of the team is an individual and I respect that. With the dynamics within our structure it is unfortunate that at times decisions must be made that are sometimes seen to be a bit harsh"

When being interviewed on ABC or SBS always use words like - therfore - not withstanding the fact - and however.
Of course the great standby of staring at the interviewer with open amazement and saying - "I can't believe you would bring that up again - we've moved on since then." will always win the people over to your side.

But never- never - never tell the truth about anything - It could destroy you.
When all else fails remember the GURU is here to help you (but not for too much longer)
This reply was deleted.
- Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" July 8, 2010 at 11:47am
  
  Hindy is supposed to have the larrikin shit stirrer personality. ( possible)
  Tim Mannah would not use this sort of language. (unlikely)
  Fui is too quiet (maybe a closet comedian tho)
  Cap't Courageous might figure on going out in style (maybe)
  Ben Smith is an unknown - (possible)
  Feleti - Krisnan - Timana - (unlikely)
  Joel Reddy ( if anything like his family is highly possible)
  Hayne on SOO duty wouldn't haver had time.
  Burt ??????
  Guru - (revenge could be sweet)
  KK - MK - Robbo (unlikley)
  Morts - too much on his plate.
  
  That brings us to the conclusion - NO IDEA - but whoever he is you gotta love his stuff.

This reply was deleted.

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