It's a fact of life, so I've always thought it a good idea to have a second job I could turn to, if things go bad. So you might be surprised to know, I actually fancy myself as a script writer. My creative writing teacher has told me to work with what I know, so I've been developing this drama called Halves. I like to think it's a mixture of the Bold and the Beautiful, the Footy Show and Glee. I haven't shown anyone this before, but I figure it's time I find out if I'm any good or not.
Constructive criticism welcomed...
In tonight’s episode of ‘Halves’
Our would-be hero Trent Barrett declares it over...
Osborne: But Trent, c’mon mate. Please don’t say it’s over. I thought we really had something special happening here. What more can I offer you, Trent.
Barrett: How many times do I have to tell you, Paul. I’m retiring. I know Beavis wants another chop of my salary, but I’m my own man, Paul. Wayne doesn’t own me. You don’t own me. I’m going to Temora. Don’t call me, anymore, Paul. It’s over.
Barrett storms out the door just as Brett Kimmorley enters...
Kimmorley: Paul, what’s Trent doing here.
Osborne: (uncomfortable) Umm, nothing Brett. Nothing going on with Trent at all. In fact, he just came around to say goodbye. He’s off to Temora.
Kimmorley: So are we on for 2011 or not, Paul. You keep saying you want me, but I feel like you’re not prepared to commit.
Osborne: No, nothing like that Noddy. I want you bad. It’s just you know the paperwork. The salary cap. A lot to get through.
Osborne’s phone rings...
Osborne: George, mate, how are you. Long time, no speak. What? Cooper. You’re kidding me. Back on the market? Of course, mate. Whatever he wants. Look, bad time, can I call you back. See ya, Mimmo.
Kimmorley: (suspiciously) Who was that Paul?
Osborne: Mate, nobody...
Kimmorley: Did I hear you say Cooper?
Osborrne: Umm, yes. Sargeant Cooper. Still that little shop lifting incident to deal with.
There is a knock on the door...
Osborne: God what now.
It’s Matty Orford...
Kimmorley: Ox, what are you doing here.
Osborne: Oh shit, Ox. I thought you were still laid up after the surgery.
Orford: You never came to see me in hospital, Paul
Osborne: Sorry Ox, you know, I’ve been busy. Hayne Train and all that.
Suddenly there’s a knock on the backdoor, and Jeff Robson emerges in overalls
Robson: Paul, I heard voices. Look I’ve finished the backyard. What’s doing with all these halves mate. You promised me that if I landscaped your entire backyard you wouldn’t go looking for another half back.
Osborne: Jeff, it’s not like that. Did I tell you, I’d get rid of that cheeky Keating kid? And did I come through. You got to trust me, my man. Now, you might want to get started around the side.
Another knock on the door, it’s Daniel Mortimer.
Mortimer: Hey Paul, Dad asked me to bring around another couple of cases of Mortimer Wines. Hang on, what’s Ox and Noddy doing here. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times Paul. I’m not playing hooker. Have you seen this face. I mean, have you really looked at this face, Paul.
Osborne: A thousand times, Daniel. A thousand times. Look here, I’ve still get your picture in my wallet.
Mortimer: Does this look like the face of a hooker, Paul? There’s no way, I’m going to keep sticking my head into a scrum and risk breaking my nose or chipping a tooth, Paul. Are we clear on that? Because if we’re not, I’ll have a word to Dad and suddenly you’re going to be on the very outer of the old boys club. And you forget about any more cases, of this.
Osborne: No, Daniel, you’ll always be my number one half.
Orford and Kimmorley: (gasps) He’s your number one? Robson re-enters: I heard that Paul, I’ve heard everything. Barrett storms back in: What the hell is going on here, Paul?
Osborne: Boys, it’s not you. It’s me. I’m in a tough spot, right now. Please, hear me out.
The phone rings again...
Osborne: Oh sorrry George, yes. God yes, I want Cronk. I want Cronk more than anything. If there’s any chance. I will come and see you in an hour. Don’t make any rash decisions, George.
Robson, Mortimer, Orford, Kimmorley and Barrett are all standing with their arms crossed..
Osborne: Boys...
All halves suddenly break into a spontaneous rendition of ‘Single Halves’...
All the single halves (x7)
Now put cha bombs up
Cuz if you liked it then you should have signed a contract
If you liked it then you shoulda signed a contract
Don’t be mad once you see that the ESL wants it
If you liked it then you shoulda signed a contract
Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh
Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh
[Roll credits]
You need to be a member of 1Eyed Eel to add comments!
Replies
Can't wait for your next show to go to air
I can see a full series that will eclipse "Nights of our Miseries"
I can see an episode where a dejected Matt Keating, left stranded by his brother, unloved by many Parra supporters, goes ballistic with an AK47 when it is announced that Piggy Riddell is returning to the club.
Episode: Final Straw - Keatings Revenge
If I get the go-ahead for the pilot, playthedoors, I'll give you a call to join the scriptwriting team
-
1
-
2
of 2 Next