FDA: Masking our finals run

Mmmmm. I think I’ve made an error in judgement. I’ve been looking back through the tapes of the last couple of months and I’ve realised something. Our halves maybe aren’t quite as good as I thought.

It’s funny but going back through the videos, I started to notice our kicking game was pretty ordinary. We weren’t getting a lot of punch through the middle and nobody but Jarryd was setting up any tries.

So I called Morts and Robson into my office this week, and I laid it on the line. I said, boys what’s doing? I think you may not be playing as well as I need you to play.

And they said - and I swear to you it was in unison. “Coach, we’re just not as good as you think we are”.

Now, they fucking tell me. Four rounds to go, and our season is all but shot, and now they tell me.

I tell you, I’m worried. I had the architect make up the plans for the billiard room after the Panthers game. Cost me a pretty penny. And then after the Bulldogs game, I bought this majestic king-sized table. She is a beauty - custom-made with an Eels logo in the middle. She’s getting delivered in October. Except, the old billiards room is looking a bit dicey now. Fucked if I know what I’m going to do with a king-sized billiard table it if I don’t land this 13-1.

The other thing I’ve realised is, that we started winning again when I started coming onto 1Eyed and sharing with you people. Then I didn’t come on for a fortnight - Fake Ozzy told me it wasn’t a “good look” - and we lost both games. So fuck Fake Ozzy. I’m back.

Of course, the knives are also back out. Three weeks ago I was a hero, now I’m a chump. Fake Ozzy is even refusing to comment on the issue now, which is a real worry. But I will not let the baggers bring me down. I am proud coach of a proud club. I will prevail.

I have a new strategy for this week. One of our problems in recent weeks, is that opposition defences have been manning up on Jarryd Hayne. I kind of got around that for the first part of the Titans match by giving the ball to Mateo instead. But then I remembered he’s unfit, so I had to pull him off. He told the trainer he was a million dollars, but I’ve seen the beep tests. They don’t lie.

Anyway, we had 10,000 Jarryd Hayne masks made up after the Bulldogs match in preparation for the finals campaign. I don’t know where Fake Marketing Manager found the budget for it. I can’t even get my parking validated, but I think some people in this joint know where the missing Fitzy fortunes are hidden. So, it struck me. I’ll just get the entire team to run around all night in Jarryd Hayne masks and those stupid Queenslanders will have no idea who to over-mark. Might send the halves into the solarium this week and give them a pair of platform footy boots just to make sure we pull off the deception.

I have no doubt, Brisbane will keep ripping the bastards off, but more fool them. I’ve got 10,000 of these suckers to keep handing out to the boys.

So rev up Parra fans. Friday night we’ll be back in the winners circle. Or my name is not Fake Daniel Anderson.

"Aunty Julie or whatever her name was looked like she was straight off the First Fleet. They don't exactly have any great Origin hits or fights to play anymore. Such a fucking useless vanilla game. "

Replies

George Taylor August 11, 2010 at 11:49am

another piece of quality work FDA, keep up the good work!
blueNgold August 11, 2010 at 12:12pm

Class FDA.
Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" August 11, 2010 at 8:10pm

Up to your usual brilliance FDA

BTW I got onto some betting mob at 160-1 last week.
Thanks for getting us better prices as well.
Unbelievable coach and able to work the punter's market at the same time.
Tinkerbell August 11, 2010 at 8:17pm

FDA!

Good to see you back! I had wondered where you had gotten to.

Wish out boys all the best for Friday night! :-)
Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" August 11, 2010 at 8:54pm

Yeah but he didn't tell em they would be running in the opposite direction.
Blew it FDA
- Mainey > Sir Col "THE NODDY MUSHROOM" August 11, 2010 at 8:56pm
  
  Oh my gosh... I love this... FDA and 1eyedeels, you've got me in stiches haha
Fake Daniel Anderson August 11, 2010 at 10:53pm

This is what Bennett doesn't understand. You've got to keep your powder dry. My powder is so dry it could have come out of the Sahara.'

Thanks for your ongoing support Muttman. If you spot me a twenty for that bet, I'll be sure to dedicate Friday night's win to you.
Fake Daniel Anderson August 11, 2010 at 10:57pm

You'll love this. I didn't say anything. In fact I wasn't even there. The boys walked in the sheds and there were just sound effects. Unfortunately, I put in the wrong CD and instead of the "Great moments in sports", I put in "Great train wrecks and accidents". Bit embarassing, actually.
Mainey August 12, 2010 at 8:47pm

No more CD switch-ups, please! Even listening to Jamal Idris' acting would be preferable to THAT... almost...

FDA, please tell Fui the afro looks great- his hair now looks much closer to the one he has on the BGA badge! You should tell the marketing department to make some paper aeroplanes to fling around Suncorp Stadium. We'd have a better chance of getting more ref calls our way!

I love your work, let's bring the billiard table home!!
Mitch.eels August 12, 2010 at 9:00pm

Great blog, how did u even think about of half the stuff. lol!. I really like the part about mateo helping hayne but then DA relises he can't keep it up for the whole game, genius.....hahaha

But i honestly think that DA isn't that bad.......i know he f'ed up on mortimor but he didn't play toooooo bad last year, so he thought he was gona be the next big think (because of his dad) but like many things it did NOT work out as planned........yet?....... Who knows what the future will hold. Also Robson has improved heaps from last year and i know i use to give to robson but DA proved me wrong.

Bar that I think ur helarious, champ keep it up.! Ha hahaha love it.