I know you boys and girls at are a passionate lot, so I thought I would stop by and give you an update on where we’re at.
Firstly, lets address the Daniel Mortimer issue. No, the kid isn’t doing well but there’s not a lot I can do. He signed a contract at the start of the year when we all thought he was going to be the next Peter Sterling. Hell, Sterlo and Mortimer said it was so, so what do you do? Unfortunately, Ozzy was still basking in the glory of signing off on Haynezy’s contract so he missed a few sneaky clauses that got through unseen. Like Section 23 Sub-section 4. Daniel Mortimer has the right to play whatever goddam position he wants. And Section 76 Sub-section 23. Daniel Mortimer is never to be step foot within a 10km radius of Ringrose Park, Wentworthville. Oh, and lets not forget Section 327 Sub-section 9. The only bench Daniel Mortimer is to sit on, is the one at Paul Osborne’s house, whereby, he shall also be served by Mrs Osborne jam and scones. Heated. And with lemonade. And finally Section 1,023 Subsection 11. Nobody is to say anything negative about Daniel Mortimer at post-match press conferences and in the event of said event occuring, attention must be immediately deflected to one, Jarryd Hayne.
So what do I do? I’m working with one-hand tied behind my back, people.
Speaking of Haynzey, I just want to make clear that there is no problem with Jarryd and myself. Do people think I’m stupid? I know where we’d be sitting without Haynzey. In fact, I go to such extreme lengths to keep Haynzey on side, that I send the missus over to do his laundry each week. So I don’t see how Jarryd could be narky with me? Actually, now that you mention it, his favourite white shirt was looking a little pink at training. Damn woman, I keep telling her to separate the coloureds from the whites. The only reason I left St Helens was because I got sick of wearing pink.
And let me address this rubbish about there being a rift between me and the Polynesian boys. That’s just crap. I want it on the record that I’ve been to Bali twice. And that if I get the chance, I’ll go back again. I hope that puts an end to that rubbish.
Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and let you know to keep the faith. I’ve been holding back the BIG GAME PLAN but I think it’s time to roll it out against the Cowboys on Monday. So keep the faith and I’ll see if I can drop back in during the week to give you a pre-game update. And if you see Ricky Stuart punch him in the nose for me.
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I heard Daniel Anderson invited all the polynesian boys to his house to enjoy a nice kava session
Anyway, unfortunately, since the coup things have been a bit tight. I still have those junkets written into my contract but alas I forgot to specify where. So last year, me and Spag went to Moree. Then just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, we jump in his car and he stops off at Rooty Hill RSL club. Tells me there are a couple of kids playing for the Rooty Hill Dragons I needed to check out, but not to worry, as per my contract he'd spring for accomodation at the club.
*sigh* things aren't what they used to be...
I'll be keeping the faith on the other side of the world for you all. :-)
Please come back for a pre-game update - and give our love to Ben Smith and Shack. Hope their recoveries are coming along well. :-)
How come I never get a sign, Tinkerbell? Do you think I don't work as hard as players. Do you think once they've gone home to put their feet up to play their XS3 Wees or whatever they're called, that I'm not settling down to go through the videos and put together some plays that these idiots fail to run on gameday?
So why do they get all of the signs and the adulation and the 'Oh my isn't he cute?'.
I'm not a bad-looking man, am I?
Bar Tim Smith (who was my first high school girl crush), you are the man I have made the most signs for!!!
Last year for the Grand Final I made a sign that said Ando's Heroes (think Hogan's Heroes) and one that said Winsto Ticker! I know you are a Winston Hills boy and we though the boys could use a bit of your Winsto Ticker to inspire them! However, if those slogans are not to your liking, I can make you a new sign when I get back!
I very much appreciate all you hard work. :-) And you are not a bad looking man either - even though everyone knows my love of players is based on more than just looks!!! I support underdogs, and you Mr Anderson have the support of the vast majority of Eels fans! :-)
Please keep our boys positive though - if you need an extra motivator, my hands are up! :-)