Baird to be offered assistant coaching role at the Eels

NSW Premier Mike Baird sensationally announced on Twitter today that he is set to resign from politics after a controversial two and a half years as leader of the state Liberal Party.Baird, although boosted by a taxpayer-funded superannuation for the rest of his life, will be looking for work as early as next week, and the Greenfield Post understands that his new employment may come from an unlikely source.It is rumoured that Baird will be offered an assistant coaching role at the Parramatta Eels, with the club hierarchy impressed with his ability to withstand pressure in the face of unrelenting adversity and dislike.“We just love the way Bairdy went about his business,” an Eels insider revealed to the GFP“After the season we had in 2016, we need someone at the club who understands how to stay in a job when the majority of people are calling for your head.”It’s understood that if Baird accepts the position, he will be tasked with shoring up the Eels defensive tactics before the 2017 season.“As a politician he’s already brilliant at defensive tactics and shifting the blame,” our source revealed.“And if he can lock-out a cavalcade of liquored up partygoers from entering a venue after 1am, then he sure as shit can lock-out the likes of Valentine Holmes from crossing over the try line.“We’re hoping he can help us devastate opposition teams like he has devastated Sydney’s nightlife.”

"HFK, Fair point. Sure, we could. But balancing incoming youth with experience is almost a perennial issue. A constant cycle. It never really goes away. At least not for too long. "

Replies

Tanklynpjones January 19, 2017 at 3:12pm

That's a baird idea..
Shawn peters January 19, 2017 at 3:39pm

Very baird idear
JJ - The EEL January 19, 2017 at 3:56pm

YAWN!!!!
Mo January 19, 2017 at 3:57pm

I am just waiting for the next premier to come in and say we will have Badgery's Creek Airport operational in five years. One runway doesn't take ten years to build. So much for the Sydney 'open for business' campaigns. This isn't a personal dig only my two cents.
Hamish January 19, 2017 at 4:53pm

Lol classic stuff Bazza B.

Only problems is I don't think we would have any balls or training gear as the bastard would sell them all off.
- michael picklum > Hamish January 19, 2017 at 5:02pm
  
  Errrr I thought he is getting us a new stadium from the big sell off. IMO wrong priority. We needed the dough to be spent on our hospitals.
- The Eeel > Hamish January 19, 2017 at 5:17pm
  
  hospitals for when big Frank plants that huge salmon arse on opposing players....
Snakey - Sack Dylan Brown January 19, 2017 at 5:04pm

Hahahaha
00da2fnag8of1 January 19, 2017 at 5:33pm

I'm all for having Hilarly Clinton as our assistant coach
wiggy 71 January 19, 2017 at 5:52pm

Oh no not crooked Hillary. At least one thing she will have the media on her side.