Eels Blogs

In one of the most intriguing matches played this week the 1EE Mental Health Hospital Team were defeated by the Cave Dwellers in Golden Point at The old Rydalmere Hospital footy grounds.

Mental Health were expecting to come away with the competition points but were speared in extra time by one of the best Golden Points ever seen in the history of sham footy.

The opening was fast and furious with both sides going the grope and reverting to the old attacking methods of Stiff Arms and shoving balls up their jerseys.

This made the game difficult to watch because there was action aplenty all over the field.

Fui Fui was the leading ball chaser for the CaveDwellers and constantly grabbing the chest area of the Nutters forward pack.

The game has been marred by rumours of a massive betting scandle involving the referees. However investigations have stalled as ALL the referees were last seen boarding a private jet at Bangstown airport carrying massive quantities of brown paper bags.

Trucker Eel delivered these bags in a B-Double semi and as soon as they were loaded aboard the plane it took off without filing a flight plan.

The full back for the Nutters was easily handled by his opposite number Sharkiesboomboomboom. After the game Sbbb said "I have been handling snakes for many years now and this one was no problem at all."

Muttman for the Nutters put in a faultless performance and Ronnie Underpants from the Cavies, just could not keep up with Mutty's constant but comprehensive sledging of him.

The scoring opened early with Snake going for an opening that was shut down sooooo fast he dropped the ball backwards for Fish to swoop on it and cross in the corner.

Crow missed the kick from the sideline because Tinkerbell accidently spinkled fairy dust in his eyes and not on his ball.

There was a great contest between Jungle Bunny and Fish, with Jungle Bunny getting the better of this encounter by tempting Fish off his wing with her octopus which allowed the CaveDwellers to score all their tries down his wing.

Sbbb abd Jungle Bunny were by far the best players on the field closely followed by Donnsta and Carloeel.

Donnsta was fuming she did not get Girl of the Match but the selection committee decided her best days were played at Leichhardt some years ago.

There was great confusion as Darkie had been named to play on both teams and true to form he just tackled anything with his usual aplomb.

In a late change the Moray Eel twins were elevated from the bench and dropped into the 1/2 and 5/8 roles.

1EyedEel however kept a level head about his demotion and blogged on about it all game. Tony Bongo however was furious and let the coach know his feelings - he just banged on and on.

At the end of the first half the score was 4-0 to the Nutters but after 1/2 time the Cave Dwellers took their clubs and smashed into the opposition.

This resulted in Shawn Johnson crossing underneath the bar after the ball had been handled by Sbbb, Jungle Bunny My Bob and Ham(RIP) in a movement that went the entire length of the field - turned around and went back again.

The captain of the Nutters, Crow, exploded at the referees and wanted the 4 points as the Cave Dwellers had scored an own goal but the referees stood their ground and awarded the try to the Cave Dwellers after sending it up to the video refs.

Carloeel came on as a replacement late in the 2nd 1/2 and was immediately groped by the 'armless Snake who was penalised with a shovel to his head.

Parrakeet (linesman) did a fantastic job and never once lifted his flag when the Cave Dwellers crossed the sideline.

The press conference was read a letter he wrote before heading off to Bangstown airport that clearly stated he was watching the game and where the players put their feet was irrelevant.

Parra-Aran-Mattas called several strips that were suitably penalised after the players managed to get their clothes back on.

Scorers for the Mental Health team were Fish, Darkie, Carloeel and Crow kicked 2 from 3 to give them 16 points. For the Cave Dwellers Sbbb scored a magnificent solo try but didn't seem to excited about doing it single handedly. Darkie also scored for the CDs giving him a double for the day with Fui, Wiz, Shawn Jonson, Chuck, Johno, Tommyboy and Kurupt also crossing the line.

George Taylor went missing during the game but he probably would have crossed the line without any assistance.

With 3 minutes to go Evil Moray Eel king hit Good Moray Eel and an all in brawl erupted between 6 players.

Both the Moray Eels were sent from the field and will face much tranquilisation at Dr Meinoz's Hospital later next week.

Slaytanic then slotted the ensuing penalty kick right between the posts which brought Hindy's Heroes to his knees in tears.

With two men down the Nutters were hard pressed to hold the Cavies in extra time with Mack finally scoring a point to seal the game.

The Nutters Psycologist EME said he could see where his team lost it and some of them certainly did not have the experience to compete with a more intimidating bunch of Cave Dwellers.

Crow has avowed to avenge this loss with a far more radical team next time. He has a secret 5 month fix it plan involving huge hypodermic needles and close association with Dr Meinoz.

"We have what could be the greatest bunch of Nut cases in history - we just need more Gel" he said.