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Joke of the week

Man and he wife sitting watching tv then Lady go oh my God i pain in the belly she goes again oh my God i got a pain in the belly 

Husband say to the dr there is a new dr just two house down from here go to see him and tell them you in pain

So she does then about half hour later she come back slammed the door and throws her self down

And her husband say did you get bad news

She said NO i didnt the dr told me to take off all my clothes off lay down on the table with my legs open 

He was looking between my legs and said gee that looks nice i like to full that up with ice-cream and lick it all up so i jumped up and got dressed come home

The husband said.. DID HE SAY THAT THE DIRTY CUNT WILL IM GOING TO SEE HIM ABOUT THAT

as he walk to the door he stop and thinking for a sec and then he walk back and sat down next to hes wife she looked at at him and said

I throught you were going to see the dr

The husband said ye i was but any man can eat that much ice-cream is to big for me

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Replies

  • Hahahaaa nice one...again Paul.

  • A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
    The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
    "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
    He slams the door and returns to bed.
    "Who was that?" asked his wife..
    "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
    "Did you help him?" she asks.
    "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"
    "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,
    and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too you know."
    The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
    He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
    "Yes," comes back the answer.
    "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
    "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
    "Where are you?" asks the husband.
    "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..

    • I love that joke. I have been saying for 20 years it never got popular but always gets a laugh.

  • 3278334853?profile=RESIZE_710x

  • 6 degrees of blonde

    `´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

    FIRST DEGREE

    A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
    The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone,
    Listened a moment and said 'How should I know,
    that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
    The husband said, 'Who was that?'
    The wife said, 'I don't know,some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

    `´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-...,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

    SECOND DEGREE

    Two blondes are walking down the street.
    One notices a compact onthe sidewalk and leans down to pick it up..
    She opens it, looks in the mirror and says,'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
    The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
    The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

    `´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,. -:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

    THIRD DEGREE

    A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
    So she goes out and buys a gun.
    She goes to his apartmentunexpectedly and when she opens thedoor she finds himin the arms of a redhead.
    Well, the blonde is really angry.
    She opens her purse to take out the gun,
    And as she does so,she is overcome with grief.
    She takes the gun and putsit to her head.
    The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
    The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

    `´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

    FOURTH DEGREE

    A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
    She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.'
    A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
    The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'

    `´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

    FIFTH DEGREE

    What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
    'Is it mine?'

    `´*:-..,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*:-.,_,-:*´`´*:-.,_,.-:*´`´*

    SIXTH DEGREE

    Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

    She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

    The police despatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
    Anda K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
    As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash,the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,then sat down on the steps.

    Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
    I call the police for help, and what do they do?

    They send me a BLIND policeman.'

    • Those were brilliant Tad!

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