Eels Blogs

GREENSPAN. Thanks for your most FAQ. It's very simple and transparent. The salary cap's first purpose is to stop NRL clubs from spending themselves into bankruptcy.

FAQ. Have Parramatta spent themselves into bankruptcy?

GREENSPAN. No. In fact, they're one of the wealthiest NRL clubs

FAQ. Its other purpose?

GREENSPAN. To stop wealthy clubs from obtaining an unfair advantage by outspending their opposition on players.

FAQ. Where did Parramatta finish in the years they cheated the cap?

GREENSPAN. In 2015, 12th. In 2014, 10th. In 2013, 16th.

FAQ. So did they obtain an unfair advantage?

GREENSPAN. We've modelled their results if they hadn't been cheating, and believe me, you don't want to see them. But they're also being penalised for this year, when they are every chance of making the finals.

FAQ. This year. Anthony Watmough's retirement brings them more or less under the cap?

GREENSPAN. Correct.

FAQ. How many games has Watmough played?

GREENSPAN. None.

FAQ. So a team for which a permanently injured Watmough cannot play is non-cap compliant and cannot accrue points?

GREENSPAN. Correct.

FAQ. And a team for which a retired Watmough cannot play is compliant and can accrue points?

GREENSPAN. Yes.

FAQ. So what's the difference between a compliant Eels team and a non-compliant team?

GREENSPAN. Nothing. Maybe half a David Gower. But it's the principle. They should be penalised for cheating.

FAQ. Last year, and the two years before that?

GREENSPAN. And this year.

FAQ. But the penalties only apply this year, not the years when the cheating made a difference to the actual personnel on the field.

GREENSPAN. We can take their 2013 wooden spoon away, but other than that, there's nothing to take.

FAQ. You could backdate the punishment and take away all their competition points from 2013, 2014 and 2015.

GREENSPAN. That wouldn't be fair to other clubs. Such as Cronulla and Newcastle, who would lose their wooden spoons from 2014 and 2015.

FAQ. And you couldn't backdate penalties?

GREENSPAN. Well, that would make a mockery of the idea of punishment.

FAQ. (Cough.) Cronulla!

GREENSPAN. (Into sleeve) Bernie, can we check the obstruction on that?

FAQ. Couldn't salary cap breaches operate like playing advantage in a game? As in, you only get penalised if you obtain an actual advantage from your breach, but if it's made no difference to anyone else, just let the game run?

GREENSPAN. Advantage? What's that? Have you watched a game of rugby league lately?

FAQ. Okay, so it's more like the obstruction rule: you penalise regardless of whether or not anyone has obtained an advantage.

GREENSPAN. It's in black and white. (Into sleeve) Thanks Bernie, we'll go to the board.

FAQ. What clubs have been in trouble with their salary cap in the past five years?

GREENSPAN. Dragons and Panthers once each, Tigers and Raiders twice each, Titans and Eels three times each.

FAQ. Has any of those teams obtained any advantage in that time?

GREENSPAN. The salary cap is working well and transparently.

FAQ. Just wondering. Why don't the teams everyone thinks are rorting the cap and win premierships ever get caught? Like, how do the Roosters pick up Sonny Bill Williams, James Maloney, Michael Jennings and Luke O'Donnell in one year? How do those Cowboys players own half the houses in Townsville?

GREENSPAN. We have no evidence of any breaches by those clubs.

FAQ. How do the Broncos, who have 12 internationals and went within seconds of winning the 2015 premiership, get lucky and suddenly pick up James Roberts?

GREENSPAN. We have no evidence.

FAQ. Of a breach?

GREENSPAN. No evidence that James Roberts has signed a contract and is being paid by the Broncos.

FAQ. No evidence?

GREENSPAN. We don't know what his signature looks like.

FAQ. He's the Dally M centre of the year. He's on the field every week.

GREENSPAN. We have no evidence of that. In fact, we have seen a signed affidavit that the Broncos' number 4 is the former Gold Coast football manager Scott Clark.

FAQ. The question remains. Why is it only the battlers who get busted under the salary cap?

GREENSPAN. You forget Melbourne.

FAQ. Ah, Melbourne. They're saying they were punished too heavily, losing two premierships when they did nothing worse than Parramatta.

GREENSPAN. We let them keep their seven Tour de France titles.

FAQ. They're still not happy.

GREENSPAN. We're considering giving them their 2010 World Club Challenge trophy back, to shut them up.

FAQ. But consistency is still the issue, isn't it? Isn't Parramatta's biggest crime not their dishonesty, but their incompetence?

GREENSPAN. In cheating the cap and still finishing down the bottom?

FAQ. No, in getting caught.

GREENSPAN. (Inaudible.)

FAQ. So, to finish: how much is the salary cap, exactly?

GREENSPAN. $6.8 million plus third-party agreements.

FAQ. Which amount to?

GREENSPAN. (Inaudible.)

FAQ. Pardon? Transparent? So how much is it exactly?

GREENSPAN. (Sweating heavily, making obsolete square TV-screen motion.) Can I send that one to the Bunker? Bernie? You there?

FAQ. We're asking the questions here.