Smokescreens

The Ken can reveal exclusively to 1 Eyed Eel that the reported quest by the Parramatta Eels to secure the services of an experienced halfback for 2011 is nothing but a labyrinth of smokescreens and mirrors that all started with a trip to India. Here is how it has all unfolded :
  • Ozzy goes on a holiday to India.
  • While he was away the board decides the best way to get re elected is to put in a new escalator in the Leagues club.
  • Roy rings Ozzy and tells him they are selling the block of land across the road.
  • Ozzy thinks he has some money to win the sponsors and fans over with so he buys some LED signs and puts a deposit on a huge replay screen. He gets the receptionist in the hotel to ring Roy and tell him but Roy thinks she is a telemarketer and keeps hanging up.
  • Roy tells one of his relatives who tell the rest of the world that there is a new escalator coming next year and Ozzy tells one of his kids who tells his friend Daniel who does the same with the replay screen.
  • Ozzy gets back from holidays and he and the board realize that they don't have enough money to do both as well as pay Ando out as they had planned the year before.
  • They decide to raise the money by not spending all of the cap next year so all negotiations with players are put on hold. They also decide to follow through with not re signing the players Ando thought were lazy and just sign a few cheap has beens. But how do they tell the fans ?
  • Storm salary cap scandal conveniently breaks 2 weeks later and they use smokescreen number one Cooper Cronk who they know the Storm will never release. If they can keep this rumour about chasing an experienced half going to the end of the year then their financial woes are solved.
  • The smokecreens which are mirrors to the Cronk smokescreen then come into play.
  • Kimmorley is a smokecreen for Barrett, who is a smokescreen for Quade Cooper, who is a smokescreen for Anasta, who is a smokescreen for Gower, who is a smokescreen for Orford, who is a smokescreen for Thurston, who is a smokescreen for Cronk who was a smokescreen for the replay screen all along.
Paul Osborne officially broke the silence yesterday and put an end to all the rumours when he told The Ken:
''I've heard the rumours, but as far as we're concerned Johnathan is contracted to the Cowboys and as you know everyone else we have been chasing is either retired or under contract,''
 Eels chief executive Paul Osborne said. ''We're concentrating on getting people who are actually available.''

As we all know there is no one available but expect to see the new replay screen sometime soon and a fair bit of construction work in the lobby of the Leagues Club for a while.

I'm Ken Crapper



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Replies

  • i might file a law suit for all the secondary smoke we have all been inhaling which has led to dimencia, dillusions and the destruction of brain cells leading us to beleive or take some sort of interest in some of the BS that has been posted up on this site about signings and shite.
    "PEACE MARN"
  • im darryl brohman
  • i think your spot on ken.
  • Brilliant work Ken.

    ... if that is your real name.
  • Thank you Fui Fui.................If that's your real name???????
    I'M KEN CRAPPER !!!!!!!!
  • you are the greatest & funniest person on 1eyed :P
  • And how the frig are we expected to be able to see these bloody screens with all the smoke around them?

    Come on Ken - back to work and get us a report.
This reply was deleted.

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