Holy Crapper at Hillsong

Ok so after witnessing a miracle last Saturday Night in Parramatta’s come from behind win I thought it was time to finally take Jarryd up on his offer and visit Hillsong the following morning.

 

The Ken has come from a long line of atheists so I had never actually stepped a foot inside a church in my life and was quite apprehensive about the whole thing. After a big night of celebrating the Eels mighty victory it wasn’t something I was looking forward to however I was pleasantly surprised to find it really wasn’t much different to Rugby League at all.

 

There was some great entertainment for the crowd as soon as I arrived with a full band and people singing and clapping then the coach Brian Huston came out and gave the team talk that really got everyone fired up. The first thing he talked about which left me gob smacked was that Jesus is In U. I had no idea they loved Inu so much or that his nickname was Jesus. As soon as they mentioned his nickname people everywhere started waving their hands. Some were even cheering and clapping and I was thinking to myself ‘If they go crazy over being Krisnans what kind of reaction is Jarryd going to get here’? 

 

Then he talked about Jesus and the rest of the team which Brian called his 12 Appostles (which made up the 13 but they didn’t mention the reserves). Now I could tell the coach Huston had got Inu mixed up with Hayne as soon as he said that Jesus was number one and that everyone else followed him, looked to him as their saviour and without him we would most certainly be lost. It was clear to me at that point that Hayne was the messiah he was talking about. Brian even mentioned running and not growing weary and flying on wings like eagles which I assumed was in reference to the fantastic 85m try from the night before and the post match celebration.

 

Half time wasn’t much different to being at Parra Stadium except, if you can believe this, the food was worse and the drink limit way way less. All you get is the tiniest piece of the stalest bread I have ever had in my life and a thimble full of wine. No Beer !!!! It’s the last time I complain about only getting two Tooheys at a time and luke warm overcooked chips. I have to give credit where credit is due all the same because they certainly made up for it with the replay screens. Talk about putting the Stadium to shame there and the sound system was way better also. A bit disappointing to not see any cheer girls or Sparky but I guess it must be a work in progress.

 

 After halftime the next thing he spoke about was Mannah from heaven. Just as I was starting to wonder if it was the same Mannah he was on about Coach Huston said “when we are in need Mannah just keeps turning up”. I was certain then that it was Tim he was talking about. “Mannah always turns up for us “ I yelled, to which the crowd went crazy. I knew there and then why Hayne and the boys love turning up so much. These Hillsong people were the best supporters I had ever seen and they loved these guys just as much as we Eels fans do.

 

They even have a fundraiser which the guy next to me said was to save people from hell and bring them to Jesus ( Hayne) Between what this guy had told me and the huge amount of dollars being put in I knew these people were trying to support the club in making a play for  Cronk. They must be a part of some third party sponsorship deal or something. I will keep you posted as they did mention Revelations.

 

Then came the moment that really touched my life in a way I will never forget. Brian asked us to name those people who were friends with Jesus (Hayne) and who had gone to the Black Darkness on the other side. I knew exactly who he was talking about and that the other side meant the other side of the ditch. As tears welled up and then streamed down my face I cried out Feleti Mateo’s name which echoed throughout the room. People everywhere began asking Jesus (Hayne) to help him change his mind, many by now in tears themselves but I knew Jarryd must have already tried. I was greatly encouraged to see though that these people still believe that there is a chance he will return one day and that Jesus (Hayne) will forgive him but I really feel they may be putting a bit too much pressure on Hayne or Jesus as he is so fondly known at Hillsong.

 

I’m Ken Crapper

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Replies

  • Your best yet. Well done.Very clever. :)
  • It's a battle to the death between our Parramatta comedians!
    • I write a serious piece on a very sensitive issue and you call it a joke !!! How did journos end up being hated more than parking officers anyway?
    • Thanks Mal. I will make sure when I play golf with Sterlo tomorrow that I don't swing my clubs too high. Wouldn't want to get struck by lightening now would I.
    • Amen to that Mal.
  • Some of yor finest work Kenny

    God Love ya!!!
  • hahaha great stuff ken
    • Bloody happy clappers, mate you are the reason it is hard to live in the hills district, who gives a shit about what you believe in, we arn't all brainwashed!!!
  • oh dear. I read the first few paragraphs and stopped. This is lame. Praying for you, bro. Think about your soul and not about making people laugh by joking about those that are saved.
    • So you want me to make jokes only about those who are not 'saved' ? I think that is a bit prejudice but if you insist.
      Would all the Heathens of the site please make yourselves known to The Ken so that I can make fun of you? There you go Simon.
      I'm Ken Crapper
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