My city, my people, my heart

Scouse musician Jamie Webster has a song called This Place. It's about his love affair with his home city of Liverpool, UK. In it he sings about the people, the places and what makes it feel like home to him.

Parramatta is this home to me. It's where I grew up, it's where hours of my childhood were spent and it's where some of my earliest memories were ingrained.

To this day I can remember playing footy on the south hill of the old stadium. It's where I studied my rugby league education. Alongside my father and my grandfather I learned about the history of this club, the players that came before, the many highs and many lows.

I learnt about kicking tactics, defensive structures and attacking shapes all from spending 15 years at the south end of the ground, sitting just behind the goal posts.

I remember how Pa would always set a 40 minute timer on his watch at the start of every half and do his best to stop it when the ref blew time off because we couldn't see the scoreboard with the clock on it. Pa was generally within about 30 seconds of the match clock.

Following Parramatta when I was young was a fairly easy task. I became engaged during the Brian Smith era. The painful memories are there, but you always felt confident of being at the business end of the season.

But as the years wore on, the difficult years arose. Finals became tougher to reach and that's when my real Parramatta education began. When I saw us miss the finals in 2008 Pa was quick to remind me of the 1950s when the only thing the side could manage was a wooden spoon.

And from there, it's only instilled a deep rooted fear of failure. That this time can't be our time because it never goes right. 

It's a feeling shared by every Eels fan. The apprehensiveness before big games because we've come up short so many times before.

2001 was heart breaking. 2009, I sat angry and emotional in a Canberra apartment because mum thought we were no chance of a grand final and booked a family holiday for that weekend.

I'm not an older supporter by any stretch. I'm in my late 20s but the Eels have aged me decades. 

Following this club has taught me about humility, pain and resilience.

Grand final time in this city though is unlike any other. There's a bubbling electricity through the area. It buzzes through every cafe, store and conversation. Even those who don't following the game will still talk about it because that's what everyone is talking about.

It's an exciting time to be an Eels fan and this team is on the verge of greatness. As any Eels fan will tell you though. Don't count your chickens just yet.

This all must be funny though for our family and friends who don't get Parramatta. Who don't follow Parramatta like we do. 

Mum has followed the club for almost as long as dad, but she doesn't get wrapped up in it like dad does. 

My wife stared at me half scared last Friday as I collapsed to the ground and started crying at full time. I didn't cry on my wedding day, I didn't cry when either of my kids were born. I cried when Parramatta made the grand final.

I've sat on tenterhooks all week watching highlights from the preliminary final, highlights from previous grand finals, reading every article and post I can get my hands on.

This club feels like a part of me and in many ways it is. I connected with my dad and Pa through this club. So much of my childhood and adolescence is wrapped up in it. 

This week is also tinged with a little sadness. Pa died three years ago. We never got that premiership together and that still hurts. There were two things I wanted to do with him. Celebrate a premiership and have him meet my kids. Neither happened.

I'm generally not superstitious, but I'd believe in anything if it meant Parramatta would win on Sunday. And my wife did kind of feed some of that belief.

Pa's final game that he attended was the Easter Monday clash against the Tigers that opened the stadium in 2019. In many ways it was his passing of the torch to my eldest. My eldest carries Pa's middle name and this season went to his first Parramatta game. It was Easter Monday, against the Tigers.

At three, he's too young to really know what's happening. He knows about Parramatta, he knows about Pa, he points out whenever he sees an eel on a shirt, jacket, bag or hat.

After the preliminary final my wife said that was Pa watching over us.

I, like every Eels fan, want this more than anything else.

And this is truly the magic of sport. There is nothing else in the world that can make you feel like this and make you feel so powerless at the same time. You can't take that hit up, you can't make that covering tackle, but you're still giving it everything you've got.

This is what many of us have been waiting our whole lives for. And for others, it's felt like a lifetime since we were last crowned premiers. Generations have come and gone without success and now we stand upon the precipice once again.

This week has been nothing but enjoyable however the best or worst is yet to come.

I have refused anyone who has asked me for a prediction for I can't truly bring myself to utter words I feel could curse the side.

Come Sunday, if you ask me how I'm feeling, I'll tell you tomorrow.

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  • Awesome and touching blog super, lets hope your dads looking on pulling a few strings.

    The best part was when you spoke of going to ground in tears, and you said you didnty do that for your kids or wedding, that says it all to me, this club means so much to people.

    A massive weight will be lifted from all our shoulders should we be victorious on sunday, and i think we will.

  • The way some of these blogs are going this week we better damn win the thing or it will be like that scene in Almost Famous when the the plane is about to crash but doesn't. 

  • Good one buddy thanks for sharing. People say that pets personalities reflect their owners personalities. I think peopleś teams do the same. And your words about being kept humble by this team resonate. Ive learned a lot about failure but never quitting from this club.

  • A great blog Super, thanks for sharing a little of your story. 
    Go the mighty Eels!

  • Beautifully written, Super, and I'm sure somewhere in the universe, your Pa is picking up the vibration of your heartbeat when you think of him and those treasured memories you both shared. 

    I love my kids more than life itself, but like you, I didn't cry when they came into the world. But I did cry last Friday, and many times this week the emotion of what this week means to me has threatened to leap out of my chest and betray the veneer of normality I've clung onto at work and at home. 

    As I read some of the blogs and posts on this site and reflect on the outpouring of emotion and vulnerability some of us have shared, I am struck by what this club means to so many of us. To call it a rollercoaster would be to understate the upper depths of despair we've experienced. To call us tragics wouldn't do justice to the happiness this club has woven into our life stories. 

    Good luck over the next 24 hours mate, and indeed over the 80 minutes on Sunday.  

  • Good blog Super eel. We all have a special individual attachment to something that binds us together. Share the highs and lows together gives you a feeling of belonging. We all need that kind of security.. Nice to respect past loved ones through these moments.Too rare for us.Lets hope we put our best foot forward with no regrets irrespective of the score 

  • This week, this climb up the ladder into the GF has really  brought out the heartfelt blogs, it is like a session on the psychiatrists chair in here at the moment, that is not a bad thing, I have referred to this place as a virtual mens shed, with a couple of chicks. 
    I hope we win this thing tomorrow or there are not going to be enough appointments at the psychiatrists. 

  • Nice blog Super! Probably reflects what all Parra fans felt when we won against the Cows. Reckon we the team got this as long as they maintain their composure - complete their sets, avoid errors and penalties and most importantly, work for each other just like the way they did in the last 10 minutes v cows. Go PARRA!

  • When we beat the Cowboys, I let out a scream that made my wife come running. She said she had never heard anything like it.

    When she got to the lounge room, she said I looked like I had been playing footy not watching it.

    That scream was 13 years in the making.

    Imagine what the 36 year scream will be like.

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